I have a communication problem

Well, it's just like the subject says....I have a communication problem. I've been going out/living with my boyfriend for 4 1/2 years now. I guess all along I've had a communication problem, but it hasn't been until the past year (approx) that he has actually told me that I don't know how to communicate properly. Does anyone have any suggestions on proper communication skills??

Jen

Communication means different things to different people. He'll have to tell you what he likes and what he doesn't like.

I can't agree more. Everyone has their own conception of what makes for good communication. The point lies in which aspects you feel the connection is adaquate. Obviously after four years if you didn't realize that there was a communication problem in your relationship, the way you and your boyfriend is good enough for you.

It may be that what you need in a conversation is different than what your boyfriend needs. It may also be a matter of perception and interpretation. I find that I am pretty much happy with any sort of talking from my boyfriend. It doesn't have to be deep, it doesn't have to be any one thing. Whatever and however he chooses to tell me or discuss something with me, I am okay with. The reason being is that I am always gleaming other things from his words. Even over the phone or text (ie. IM) I pick up subtle signs about his mood, tone, feelings, etc. They may or may not be totally accurate from how he is truly feeling, but I percieve those subtleties nevertheless. He, on the other hand, has a real problem with those types of commuincations and feels something is lacking if the commuincation is not in person (ie. face to face).

It seems ironic, though, that in order to work through this problem, you need to communicate with him. Do ask him what he perceives his style of communication to be and what he perceives yours to be. Then tell him how you see those. Then discuss how you can both work together to make it better overall. After four years, you should be open enough with him to work through a little communication problem. I think a little misunderstanding in that department that could lead to other problems in the relationship would be unfortunate after this long. It can be resolved if you are willing to face it.

Thanks for your opinions. See, I feel that I am very lucky to have him in my life. He's the type of guy that wants to have the deep conversations, the kind that most girls want, the kind that most girls would love to have in a guy. However, right now I feel that I can't give that to him cause I don't know how to communicate on that level. Heck, I have problems making up my mind on what I want to eat, let alone getting into something that deep. I am very willing to do whatever it takes to learn how to communicate on the level that he wants.

Jen