Trying to get on

Hello,

first off, excuse any grammar or other mistakes, this isn´t my mother

language, but I´m trying my best.

Well, I had a serious change in my life around 4 weeks ago.

Its hard to cope with the new situation, and while looking for answers,

I stumbeled accross this website and was surprised that there are obviously

so many other people who feel similar.

Well, its basically the same story as with everyone else.

I met her online when I freshly turned 19, with no serious intentions.

I just looked for an overseas penpal, didn´t even think the contact would last

too long. After a very good year, this contact turned into a very deep friendship

and from there on, I eventually fell in love with her, my first true love.

She was flattered and I saw that she liked me as well, but she couldn´t make up her

mind because of the long distance and not having met in real life before.

We met later on, but unfortunately only for a very very short time.

Enough for me to confirm my feelings but unfortunately not long enough for her.

Because of school and other things, we didn´t manage to see each other again unfortunately.

Then, in our 5th year, she met a other online friend of hers after her graduation and since

both had a lot of time on their hands, they spent almost a half year together travelling.

(I unfortunately didn´t have that time, I have a job)

During that time, she fell in love with him and got to be his girlfriend.

She told me about this 4 weeks ago with deepest and honest regret, after they got serious about

their relationship.

She was actually really sweet, she was there for me the entire time and tried to comfort me and

just put a lot of her strenght into me, despite the fact that she is missing her boyfriend who lives

far away in australia.

Yet, I feel awfull. I considered her my soulmate and she was just the girl I could imagine to spend

my entire life with. But now she is gone and I feel empty.

We are still friends, but nothing that she does can really make me feel better.

I already came to realize that I have to let go and go on with my life, but its incredibly difficult for me.

For one thing, I don´t seem to be able to let go of my feelings for her. And then, I spent these last

5 years focused on her. I was never the popular guy and since I had my feelings for her, I was never

part of the dating world, wasn´t part of it before her either. Hence I have zero skills in socialising and

that fact is getting very pressuring now. I don´t think I could find someone for me.

I know, I´m a nice guy, she and others have told me often enough in the past, but I don´t think thats enough.

Like I pointed out, I was never part of this dating world, and don´t know what I´m doing.

I´m sitting here hurting because of the loss, but with the strong desire to go on and find someone who would

treasure me finally.

I have three opposing feelings inside me, the loss, wanting to go on, but now knowing how.

I think its just too much to handle and I don´t know what to do. I´m confused.

If anyone could give me a smart piece of advise, I would be very grateful.

Thank you guys.

good luck

Thanks

Hello,

Yes it is hard to get over your true love. You can't let life stop there though. You will meet that person again the one you want to spend your life with. You have to keep in mind that there are others out there. You will meet that person again. I have been through that before meeting my first love and yes I was feeling the same way as you are right now but I didnt stop my life cause of it I kept myself busy hung out with my friends alot and kept saying to myself its his loss not mine and it worked. So keep your chin up and you will meet that special person again.

Cindy C

Thank you for the thoughts! How long did it take you to heal? Yeah, I try to move out, but the problem is, I don´t get myself to have fun with anything atm. Seeing people is sort of the last thing that I want right now.

Not going to lie to you it took awhile but I had my friends to help me through it. Right now I have problems with this other guy don't know if you have seen my post but I am strong and I am gooing to have to come up with something to do to fix it. The best thing for you to do is to be around people that helped me get my mind of of him. One thing you do not want to do is mope around the house and think that what you could of done to keep her. Its not your fault its her loss. Get out and socialize don't be shy. One more thing you do not do is Listen to LOVE SONGS because that doesnt help trust me I have been there. Keep your chin up don't let this girl know that you are hurting make it like it doesnt bother you and remain friends and talk to her. Liek I said before you will meet that perfect girl. How old are you just curious

Thanks. I´ll get back to this later and I´ll look at your other post you mentioned. Maybe I have some thoughts for you to share. Just need to run now, erans. I´m 24 years old now, will turn 25 in september.

25 you have awhile to meet that perfect person you will meet another true love trust me you still have time.

Hello kaoru,

I am sorry to hear what you have been going through. I wish that things were different for you and that things would have worked out. I understand your pain and hurt feelings.

You did ask something about the dating circuit and socialising with people. I would like to invite you to our 'dating' forum. There are several articles full of tips and tricks you could use. I hope you find them helpful.

I wish you good luck in the healing process. Remember: there is someone out there for everyone

~ SwingFox ~

Hi kaoru_nagisa, just wanted to say I have been going through exactly what you are. Also your English is very good, better than some of us who only know the one language. For what it's worth I didn't really start messing around with dating until I was 22, I am now 26. The first real girlfriend I had was a rocky relationship, because it was long distance. It hurt like hell to break it off. I thought I would never find another person. I then started dateing on and off, was surprised about how things really do fall in place when you are happy with yourself...it truly does start there. Then I had my second serious relationship which was only for a year, it ended just 2 months ago. I am unhappy still, slightly depressed. I feel like I will not find someone else. Despite the fact I have been dating and had maybe half a dozen girls interested in me. The fact that I am unhappy reflects on my dating, they usually don't want a second date. I still have problems socially with girls too, but serisouly as bad as I think it is, which is bad. It will never has as much as an effect on dating as my unhappiness has. Two points though, first before you can even think about dating another person you must be happy. Second, you need to force yourself into some sort of social situations. Maybe try online dating. Anyway as bleak as it might sound it's easier than you think to find someone if you can first obtain happiness. It's NEVER too late to date either. My uncle who is now 48 just found the one, it's nice to see him so happy and content, it can happen for us all.

@Cindy:

I read through your post, I hope it was the right one. I can say from my point of view, that I wouldn´t want to introduce my girlfriend to my parents, at least not in the very beginning. You´ll ask why. Well, I have my brother here who is 21 and going steady with his girlfriend (most probably they´ll get engaged in a few years). I´m 4 years older than him and my parents constantly bug me why I don´t show them my girlfriend. They don´t do it because they want to annoy me, they just care, but its still annoying. I´m so full of the constant questions, whenever I go somewhere, is it a girl you visit? I just wouldn´t want to bring a girl home into this environment. They´d just ask stupid questions or emberass me in other ways. Sure, eventually I would want them to see her, if we were to be really sure about our relationship. Maybe your boyfriend has similar issues. I can´t tell but I can tell you how I feel about this.

@Cindy again

Thanks that you think I´m not ancient yet with my 24 years But I do worry about finding that perfect someone. Problem is, that girl somehow still has feelings for me. Later on she told me that she wants to see me happy and that she wishes me to find someone really nice, but in the same sentence, she told me she wouldn´t want to hear about it the first time because it would hurt her seeing me to be with someone. I don´t know what this is, but I think she is unsure if she isn´t doing a mistake by driving me away. I don´t even see what she likes about this guy, he is 13 years older than her and in general they don´t share too many interests. I just have this feeling that she is maybe blinded by the sensation of being with someone for the first time in her life and even if he really seems to love her, the lack of common things will poison the relationship once the first sensations of love will fade away.

About me, I know how destructive it can to be alone and have the time to ponder about things. Yet I can´t bring up the energy to get myself going and do something. I have to watch out because this drain of energy already starts to affect my job as well. I excell at my job hence I get a large freedom from my superior so I can get away with slacking off a little, but I can´t keep this up for long ...

I know about those love songs, I tend to turn off the radio when they come, its hard to bear.

@SwingFox

Thank you for the reply and pointing out the other forums for me!

I found this site last weekend and took a look at the various topics before I found the courage to post my story. There are a few weird people here who try to rip of others, but I found a lot of valuable and true postings as well. I don´t know if they helped me yet, but they at least showed be that I´m not alone and that others are going through similar things like me.

I´ll continue to visit this site, maybe I find something that can truly help me.

@zippitt

Thank you for your thoughts as well. A lot of what I read here, about finding someone, roots down to being happy. It actually figures, I guess people get more attracted to happy people than sad sacks. I think I realized that before. My problem is, I´m way too shy and insecure about myself and while I´m not ugly, I´m not the prototype of adonis either. I think those two don´t mix well. I do think if I only had enough time to show someone my true self, I could score. But getting there is something I haven´t figured out yet. This first inital step seems like a giant unpassable wall for me and I don´t know where to find the door through it. Thanks for the compliment about my english, I think my old teacher would have been glad to see that he was able to teach me something after all