the other woman

My husband had an affair, I now know it to be over, and we have decided to work things out. However the affair was with someone that was a friend of mine, she is also married....now that it is over, she started calling, and when that was not working, she began sending me emails with all sorts of stories about the affair (it lasted 7 months), telling me all sorts of things in the email...I know it is to upset me, and I did block her email, but it is driving me nuts...she has said some very mean things and Im not the one who did anything, I want to ignore her, but Im afraid she wont leave us alone.....

Even if the things she is telling you are fabricated or bordering on the truth you have to realize that she is trying to sabotage what you and your husband are trying to salvage.

She is a desperate woman and she is also hurting very badly. I would not put anything past her if she is doing these horrible things to try to get you to hurt like she is. She obviously never really cared about him because she doesn't respect the fact that he chose you over her.

She was obviously only out for her feelings and nobody else's feelings matter to her, not even his feelings.

I would suggest getting some type of restraining order against her (called a VPO in Oklahoma) and do it soon.

Make it where if she harasses you or your family again she will be breaking the law. I'm not saying that the VPO is the magic save all because technically it is just a piece of paper and that never stopped physical assaults or threats of them.

The VPO allows police to arrest her if she continues to harass you in the police presense or allows further documentation toward a possible stalking charge which can involve prison time (in Oklahoma).

VPO's generally state that she can not contact you in any way or be near you. I suggest to get one.

I take pleasure in enforcing VPO's in Oklahoma and every time that I catch someone violating it, I take them to jail.

Nobody deserves to be harassed like that. Especially in this delicate time when you two are trying to mend wounds.

Hi,

Overcorrect made some real good suggestions here. If they work in your country/state, I would definetely go for that, too.

My advice is that you bring your husband in this, too. Involve him in this situation and may be he has some answers. Wether you like to hear this or not, but he DOES know this woman to some extend. May be he'll be able to stop things.

I hope this helps you, too and I wish you lots of luck and happiness.

~ SwingFox ~

Good point SwingFox....

If your husband doesn't already know what's going on, he needs too. If she is just isolating you she has a better chance of winning the war.

You need an ally at this time and indeed it should be your husband.

Together it will be much easier to conquer this menace.

Just a side note... did you know that in the laws of nature it is possible for two horses to pull 4 times as much weight as what one horse can pull. In other words, you can defeat this problem this woman is giving you 4 times as easy if you are not alone.

Again, good point SwingFox.

I kind of agree with getting a restraining order......BUT.......if she really wants to harass you she can always open a new e-mail account and she doesn't even have to use her real name. Restraining orders and orders of protection really are not worth the paper they are written on. I had one against my ex for two years and he did some of his WORST harassment while I had it. I guess it just depends on your state and how seriously the police take the matter. I had my ex and his new wife sending me harassing e-mail, so since I had the order of protection against him which stated he or no party representing him could contact me I called the police. They were of NO help, they weren't even sure if e-mails would be covered in the OP. Does her husband know about the affair? If not maybe he should. That might put a lid on her, even if he does know I might give him a call and say, Do you know your wife is e-mailing me, maybe explain to him some of the content of the e-mail. Most husbands who have been cheated on wouldn't like what she is doing. To me it shows interest in you and your husbands life...where there should no longer be any. Just a suggestion. Hope you can get rid of her.

ditto here. only my friend ran like the wind in fright. Why she is still emailing you about it is beyond me. She is just trying to cause you troubles, and is probably jealous even though she herself is married. Some people are only happy if they are making others miserable. They themselves have low self-esteem (what girl would sleep withher firends husband that didnt) the girl that slept with my hubby and destroyed our marraige had very, very, very, very low self esteem , i knew that about her from day one.

they think that because this man is married he will marry them, they dont see it for what it really is.

Since she feels so little about herself, making you feel bad, makes her feel better. Tell her if she doesnt stop you are getting a resraining order or act like nothing she says bothers you....even if it does because if she sees she's not getting to you, she'll get bored with not getting her 'fix' and give up.