I want my boyfriend back! Can anyone help?

Hi!

My boyfriend quitted after 10 months of a wonderful relationdship. We were very close (knew were we wanted to build our house when being done with college, talking about the names of our would-be children...).

We had a wonderful new years eve and he was very romantic (while being drunk, ok! But he had difficulties expressing his feelings while sober. He isn't that outgoing). The next three weeks we couldn't see each other. And than he quitted, saying he liked me more than a damn lot, but his feelings are not deep enough for a relationship anymore and he doesn't want to playact anymore.

I am totally confused, since in december he started all these discussions about having kids and where to live and stuff. I was ok with it, because I know he is the right guy for that, but I thought it very fast. I didn't tell him that, of course.

Still, I would be able to understand that. But I know him very well, and I know how he acts when he is drunk. He always tells the truth, than. I have heard things that were far less nice than what he told me new years eve.

I wrote him a letter telling him what he did and how I feel. He didn't answer until now (three weeks since he got the letter, five since he quitted) and I don't think he will. In three weeks we both are back in school and I want to know how to behave towards him in order to get him back and make it last, because he is a real great guy. I just think he was growing scared of his own feelings. What do you think? And what should I do? Thanks for any help in the matter!

Hi frackledJJ,

Thank you for coming to eNotalone.com with your question and sharing your thoughts with us. I am sorry for what you are going through right now and I am sure you are very confused, especially now that soon you are going to see him back in school again. I hope that my suggestions will help you a little.

I think if you really want to consider him, I would give him a little space. You know him best, and if you feel he just got a little scared of facing reality, it might be a good idea to give him some time and a little space to think things over. That doesn't mean that you will have to break contact at all. Walk up to him... ask him how he's doing and then tell him that you still care and that you're there for him to listen if he feels the need. I would still try to call him once a while (not too often, to avoid pressuring him) and keep telling him the same thing. That might built his confidence.

Be careful, though: I am sure you want to avoid to keep walking on your toes over eggshells. You have to make sure that you still feel confident in getting back together. If you loose faith, it might be better to step out and let go, to avoid you getting really deeply hurt.

I hope this was of help to you and wish you good luck!

~ SwingFox ~