ouch..

well,me n my bf of 1 yr n 9 mnths..

at 1st,he talked me into cooling off for a while becos of the family prob. he had..

a few days l8ter,i began hearing all these rumors from my friends that he n his ex r goin out secretly..

to make things clear,this girl n my bf used to be bestfriends also,she n my sis are too the best of friends,n her n me r juz like sisters,well,then they(my bf n her) became a couple that was wen i came in d picture,my bf had been wanting to tell d girl about ending they're relationship becos it didn't feel ryt for him n dis girl has an attitude...he broke up with her then he went for me..of course i had a conscience..i couldn't bear the thought of how d girl must be feeling...so i tried evrythin so me n d guy wouldn't end up being a couple..i even broke up with him juz becoz of her..but in d end,he din't want to so yes,we ended up being together..nd eventually,the girl forgave d guy n also started talking to me..evrything was going fine.

he was my world after that happened..evrybody witnessed our love for each other..our friends would always tease us coz they said that we're like a superglue...unseperable...we did almost evrything together..he was d 1st guy i've ever came super close to physically n emotionally... we would plan our future...how many kids we wanted..n stuff like that. I couldn't ask for more..my life then felt so complete...

not till juz recently,b4 we were 1 yr n 9 mnths...we started to argue about that girl..actually i waould always bring up the subject cos i was really jealous of her..cos though my bf says they're back to being bestfriends,i dunno wat went in my mind which made me feel jealous wen he mentions her name or if she's anywhere near him..

then it came,after our cool off,as i said our friends(we have the same grp of friends anyways)have been telling me that they've been secretly goin out 2gether,,,unimaginable i thought wen i first heard about the rumors,..

but it was not until one wen i was really super miserable with wat's really goin on,the girl went up 2 me n admiited that yes,she n my bf had a relationship....all i could do that time was cry my eyes out...i felt so weak..

for a week i loss my apetite,i'd wake up in the middle of the night only thinking of him...but of course i can't jump into conclusions yet cos i haven't heard his side of the story yet..

so then one day,out of the blue he called me,he told me dat he was missing me n all those je ne sais quoi..i asked him if wat the girl had said as well as those rumors from our friends were true

,he denied it..evrything n he swore that there was no third party involved..

i didn't have any choice but to believe him..becos i still really love him..

days passed i thought evrything was going to turn out juz fine..

not until my sis told me that the girl n my bf really still did have a relationship..

i got really really confused n frustrated as well as sick of the issue between them..so i confronted them...3 of us..though it maybe the bravest thing i've ever done but it was also the most painful thing i can ever do to myself..y'know finding the truth all by myself..back to the story,he denied at first about their relationship...but in the end,he admitted it...n even if i already knoew the answer,i still had that little hope in me.so i asked him to choose between me n the girl n this is wat he said:

"I'd rather choose her instead cos we're together already and anyways,i'm much more happier with her than being with you.."nd he left..

it was just like somebody had juz knock off the life out of me...evrything had just stopped turning...worst thing was,we were in skul..i couldn't help but cry during class gud thing the teacher at that tym was in a gud mood.

since that incident,i took all of the stuff he gave to me,all of our pictures,all of his letters to me n hid it in a box..i didn't want to see anything in my room reminding me of him....since then too,i'm hearing more stuff about them going out/gooing to skul 2gether...my friends felt really bad for wat happened.shocked,amazed.. for me,here i am now still grieving but i think i get stronger evryday...now d only thing that could ruin my day is either hearing stuff about them,seeing his face or seeing her face...the thought of them made me puke!!!esp.the nerve of that girl!!!she didn't even do anything to avoid wat happened..or at least lemme know that somehow she is loyal n didn't mean to hurt me.

nevertheless d guy,wenever he sees me he still calls me the pet name we had wen we were 2gether,it's as if nothing happened!!!

help me i duno wat to do...i still love him very much though..

I think the first thing to do now, is to take a couple of breaths. Calm yourself, relive/remember the pain and the hurt, and the anger, let them fill u up, but dun lost control and erupt.

Imagine all these negative emotion slowly leaking, draining out of yourself. Let them slowly ebb out from you. Calm yourself, take regular breaths. Try to imagine a refreshing chill washing throughout your inner soul, just like when u take a cold shower - wash away all the bad emotions.

the pain is there, u cannot deny it. but like the chill wash throughout you and dull the pain. It is there, but it is just a dull pulsing pain, a sensation, nothing more, do not let it consume you.

And it would be the best, not to see that friend and ur ex for at least a few months. Try not to think, or remind urself of them. Maybe u can get ur sis to tell ur friend and ex that it is best that they try not to see u for sometime in the future, at least until u have recovered. For now, it will only cuz more hurt if u keep on seeing them.

The next thing to do is, spend more time doing things u like and wanted to do. Spend more time with ur sis, family. Pick up a hobby, join some other new groups of pple for fun and activity. Redecorate ur room, get ur sis and other good friends to help. Organise and plan u wat u gonna do for the next few weeks, get ur sis to give some suggestions.

And at times, cry if u need to, but dun lose urself. Cry and then move on. NEVER dwell in the pain (I noe it is tempting, but dun, it is not worth it), try to smile whenever u can, appreciate the beautiful things around u. Flowers, rainbows, little birds. Smile whenever u see something nice, and breathe the fresh air around.

take a walk, look at little children playing in the playground, cuddle little puppies, try to surround urself with things that are lively, cheerful or peaceful. Smile and laugh... its a beautiful world!