help a very depressed girl

Hi,

well first of all all my life i have wanted to look good and have been really picky about my appearance. I've always liked boys..and consider myself to be girly in a sense that i want to marry..have kids ect.

But after a really traumatic experience with my bf who i really love, i feel that perhaps i love him less. And i also feel that im sick of pretending to be someone im not around him because he hates going out/drinking ect and thats something that i dont mind at all but i have given it up for him because i want to make him happy.

Now im thinking that because my friends dont expect me to be someone and they like me for me...it is making me feel like i could be gay. Or is it that i just dont love him anymore after the way he treated me?

i am on anti-depressants because i dont know how i feel about anything anymore..but i think if i broke up with him..i would realise that im not gay..and that my feelings are real love.

what do i do

I understand your situation butterfly girl.

What you have to realise is that getting disappointed in your boyfriend does not automatically makes you gay. Neither is your sexual preference born overnight.

You will need to rethink your relationship with your boyfriend. Can you see yourself marrying someone like that? Can you see yourself having a good fullfilling relationship with this person? If the answer to those questions are 'no', then you should pick yourself up and get on with your life.

Do not fret about the issue of being gay as yet. I am quite sure that you are still a hetrosexual, only one that is battered emotionally. Be patient and remember that it is very important to start loving yourself first.

Hi Butterfly Girl,

Thank you for posting to eNotalone.com and coming to us with your question. I hope that you find my input somewhat helpful. First of all, I'd like to say that Bleeder pretty much said it all and he is right!

Personally I think that you cannot be yourself in the relationship with your current b/f. I think that is not really an ideal situation. Sure enough you will have to compromize in a relationship, but could it be that you compromized too much? It really takes two to make a relation work.

May be you recognize this: are you walking on your toes for him to make it work? Is he offering you enough? And Bleeder's question is valid: "Do you see yourself being married to him and being with him for the rest of your life?" I am sure you know what to do after you answered all these questions.

Good luck

~ SwingFox ~