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hey ,

 

I'm a new member and I found this site by a net-search for answers.

As from all the other posts, I have the same problem.

 

I met this girl named Bianca, I've known her for the past 1 year and 4 months.

 

The thing is, I want to be with her, but she has a boyfriend. She says "We could never date in this life." But it's so confusing. I'll tell you how we started off. Here it goes.

 

2001 - Third Term at school:

 

* I was walking in the court yard, I met this girl by the name of Bianca, I noticed her by her eyes, her smile. The most beautiful eyes and smile a guy could ever want to see.

 

We started talkin' well on the very sad I saw her, I told her friend I kinda got a interest in her, her friend Candice said I don't stand a chance, and I should back off.

 

Before you know it, Bianca invited me to go on a date with her to a disco, I didn't dance with her at all, instead I danced with people I never knew. She got jealous and SMS'ed me asking why I didn't dance with her, I told her what her friend said. She said I shouldn't of listened.

 

We then started talkin' more, we had a few arguments, about our life. But she invited me again to a fund raiser which she done for a child care centre, so I came along and watched a movie with her, we were staring at each other's eyes so much, our lips caught onto each other. After that we done a casual thing, no sex, just hugging, being with each other, kissing each other. She even said I've been the bets kisser which she has ever had in her life.

 

Later on down the track, she said she was going to dump her boyfriend for me, but then I find out she went off her break with her boyfriend and started being normal again, so I wrote her a letter sayin' "It's a shame nothink could happen between us, cause of your decision, before you know It I caused another argument, and we never spoke until after new years Eve.

 

I came back after working on the holidays and met straight up with her, we started kissing again, and I knew I was fallin' for her, but I stopped what was going on, before you know it, we became best friends. This is year 2002. She told me "All of my other friends are just friends, you are my best friend." We had a full on 6 months of a full friendship, even though I had feelings building up for her which I could control. At our graduation night just last year, we weren't talkin' that night, we had a out of school guest at our After-Graduation-Party, he started feeding her grog, and she never knew her glass was re-filling ,cause I had her drinks that night. Then before I knew it, nature called, and I stopped watching her for a sec, then I come back out, and then I saw Bianca getting it on with this out of school guest, she was drunk as, she didn't even know what she was doing, hell the guy was taking advantage of her, but her lips weren't even moving. A friend pulled her out of the spa and took her to a room where she tried to re-cover form being drunk as. Other people held me back.

 

In the room, she was crying for help, cause she was spewing up, I thought she would of been callin' out for her best friend, which is me, or her boyfriend. But she wasn't, her drunk side was callin' for that out of school guest. That really hurt me, feeling I was second best. So all my friends told me to look after her, whilst she was in the room, I helped her sleep for 6 hours. And let her recover. Being the best friend I could.

 

When she recovered I left her and went up stairs to get some sleep, she came up and said I am sorry for the pain I caused you, deep down in my heart, I was callin' for you, and not him, but my mind was callin' for him, not my heart as my heart is for you. So I accepted that.

 

Then we had a few more good months to leavers, we went out separate ways. But I promised her I would travel over 300 Kilometres to see her and spend some times with her, Guess who was there? the guy from the after graduation party who took advantage of her, "Bianca promised me nothink has happened, and she swears on my friendship" so I trust her with her words, I'm not sure If I should, but I do.

 

We had a fight, when I saw him, but she SMS'ed me and begged me to come back, cause she didn't want to tell me he was there, cause she knew I wouldn't come, but she said how much she loves me.

 

So I accepted it. I moved away from Perth to save our best friend relationship with her, all my feelings just started falling out for her and I told her. she told me, I am #1 in her heart, and she loves me more then her boyfriend, but for now we can only be best friends. Well In this life.

 

I was away for only 5 weeks, away like 3000 Kilometres away from her, she asked me to come back home to her, cause she loves me, and she doesn't want me to stay away. That is this year now 2003. So I came back for her, when I came back, she promised she will spend the first night with me, I was wrong, she spent it with her boyfriend, even though I did that for her.

 

Does she appreciate what I do? she even says she takens me for granted some times and takes advantage.

 

Just the other night, she told me.

 

"When I was sitting in the back of your car, I was wandering what it would be like to be your boyfriend" then she starts talkin' about sex, saying how much she wanted it off me, and when I accidently seduced her friend, she hated me for it, cause she wished why couldn't it be her."

 

Then she SMS'ed me: Saying if she wasn't with her boyfriend, she would want to be with her.

 

But she said she kind of lost those feelings for me, cause I wasn't genuine, well she felt I wasn't genuine, people told her I was just a giggalo, which isn't true. But she had a mind change over.

 

Did I mention, she takes me to her grandma's for diner and lunch, isn't that a thing you do with your boyfriend, her aunty said it, sayin one day we will be together. But I believe what her aunty said, it's just not fair in a way, what we do.

 

She even said: She doesn't trust, or she doesn't mind.

 

I slept over her house once, when I was pretty over the limit of alcohol, I didn't try cracking onto her, but she said.

 

If we were both to be drunk and at the same time, at her place or mine, or anywhere, alone. Something would happen. She said, it might change something between me and her. But it will diffently make a change between her and her boyfriend. Why say things like that?

 

What is genuine? I've done everything for her, I might not of mentioned. But I have.

 

She always writes, "Love ya" and "Smile Babe, I love you" She says She will always love me, everything. for the past year and 4 months.

 

I can't explain how much I want her, but why does she start saying.

"I wander what it would be like if i was going out with you"

 

Is she playing with my head? I don't know, but I told her I want to have a serious chat with her soon.

 

I'm not sure If I want to let go of her or not, cause I know it will only crush my heart, but she is my everyhing, I have devoted all my time to her.

 

I was able to control my feelings until now.

 

I don't know what to do, should I stay or just go. Should I tell her being friends is to hard from our past, or my love is growing too strong. I am not to sure.

 

But I'm hurtin' inside right now, cause I want to be with her,

 

She showed off infront of her boyfriend the other night sayin.

 

"Come over and give me a hug" she never askes for a hug any other time, only some times.

 

I need some help on what to do, to let go, or do what i'm doing now.

 

Why is she doing this?

 

Thanks for reading this, always.

 

Jaz

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