I am going to lose him

I have a horrible reputation with the people I have dated. My first boyfriend dumped me for my best friend because he said we were alike, only I was too jealous. Ever since then (this was 5 years ago!) I have had a distorted view of relationships and have cheated on every boyfriend because I either suspect them of cheating on me or because I didn't believe that we could sustain a committed relationship.

My boyfriend and I have been together for six months. We were dating other people when we met, and cheated on our partners with each other. So, basically, our relationship got off to a poor start. I love him, and I have never felt such a close bond with someone before. We are wonderful together, and I have never had as much fun with a person as I have had with him.

I asked him today if he had any complaints about our relationship, and he said his only complaint was that I was too jealous. I immediately felt horrible. I can't lose my boyfriend over jealousy, because that nearly killed me five years ago.

I partially blame him, because he does try to make me jealous. He has an obsession with Asian women, and is constantly bringing them up to get a reaction out of me. I suppose I should stop giving him a reaction so that he has no reason to bring it up, but I can't help it. It's like temporary insanity when he talks about other girls.

I really need to control my jealousy. I have read so many articles on it, and I have identified that my problem is with lack of self-confidence and self-esteem. I used to be really fat and unattractive, and I was made fun of for it. Now, I work out and try to enhance my appearance with makeup. I am skinny, and have been told I am attractive, yet I can't believe it. Everytime I see an attractive girl, I feel threatened, like my boyfriend will leave me if he sees her.

Please help me! I don't want to lose my boyfriend over this!

you sound very intelligent to me, and im a 17 year old girl with a year and 5 months relationship and im telling you right now, your not the problem. I get jealous when i see pretty girls out there too, and i catch him give a little look to them, but whats a look? who cares, as long as he doesnt touch! it hurts i know, and no matter what you say, hes never gonna change looking, its cool dont worry about that! you do get jealous, but it will eventually go away, heres my tip, when he talks about asian women, watch tv with him, find a HUGE muscular cute guy than go, d@mn hes big as H3LL, wow hes bomb... find the opposite of ur man and say that, hell get so jealous, he MIGHT NOT show it, but he will, and just keep doing it to him until he understands, when he teases u about asian women, be like oh well maybe we should find an asian women and u go with her and i go wtih that muscular guy, wow he was big. my screen name is jessro6 (an o not a zero) if u want to talk to me on AIM. id be glad to take u step by step, because if you looked at my previous entrys, have had a LOT of trouble with the guy i am with now, he dumped me over the summer and had sex with 2 of my best friends. your not alone out there... and he came back, and the advice that im giving you is...

Live and learn and learn from your mistake. IT HURTS i know, but you have to learn sometimes... and he came back diddnt he? and were great. its been a year and 5 months... and hell NEVER do it again... anything else that you need me to answer... your already intelligent, i bet your beautiful, you love him... what else can he possibly want?

After reading your reply, I was able to take my first relaxed breath! It felt so good to hear that I wasn't crazy! Thank you SO MUCH for your post. I am adding you to my buddy list, because I would really love to talk to you- it sounds like we have some stories to share! Hope to talk to you soon!