communication problem

My boyfriend and I of 1 1/2 years have always had this communication problem. When I mention something that bothers me, we argue for hours. I always try to end the arguments because they go no where and I have a bad temper. He insists on contining the argument until I explode with rage. I have hurt him a few times and almost broke his finger once too. I try to calm down by ending the argument, but he won't let stop and it causes a lot of anxiety and anger in me. I have locked myself in rooms to get away from him and he has unlocked them somehow, just wanting to talk me to death. When we don't argue, we have fun together. How do I stop these violent outburts?

I am not sure if you can. It sounds to me like you both need some help talking over issues without causing the other to go into a rage. When both in the relationship have this, I really think that it will be difficult for you to overcome small issues in the future!

I might have some good ideas that might help you.

1) Don't let things add up

Couples tend to see through their fingers too often. When something small happens, they just brush it off as something small and don't worry over it. The thing is, though, that all these small things DO add up and after a while everything starts to become an annoyance, until you just explode. My suggestion is, to talk to each other as soon as something even starts to look bad.

2) Talk in a positive way

Little example: "Sweetheart, I really love you, but I would like to share a concern. Can I have a minute of your time?". "You're really awesome, but ... " and then bring up whatever is on your mind.

3) Talk in terms of "me"

Instead of saying "It's your fault", rather say: "I feel bad over it." This might sound strange, but it will avoid your partner getting defensive right away.

I hope these tips help you some and I wish you good luck in your future.

~ SwingFox ~