What the hell is my problem!?!?

I don't know whats wrong with me. Most of the time I feel fine, but lately I don't know. I start thinking about life and realize that I don't see why life is. What is it and why. Nobody knows and I can't stand it. I feel like my family hates me. I only have one really close friend and she is bipolar and I'll just talk to her and if she doesn't agree she will blow up on me and make me feel stupid and worthless. I know she doesn't really mean it but It really hurts. I also get these crying spells and I will start breathing really hard and get dizzy. I will feel sick. I don't know whats wrong with me. When I get all like this The only thing that makes me feel better is my razor. I don't know what to do anymore and I don't know who to tell. I want to tell my mom but she won't under stand she will think I am making it up and I dont want to tell my only really close friend because I dont want her to think I am stupid.

hang in there! my name's crystal, im 13, and i know how you feel. throughout my childhood i've had these depression spells like you. i just feel really sad all the time and i never really know why. i could just lie there and just be really sad all the time. i'd cry, have uncontroled emotions, and i would never be able to understand why. after almost 2 years like this, i found out why. i didnt talk to anyone, i didnt go to anyone to help me, i figured it out myself. you will too. you just gotta hang in there and let it come, okay? if you email me or something, then we can talk about it, and maybe i can help you. theres no one i could tell and you'll never have to worry about sounding stupid or anything. just email me or something and we'll talk about it. hang in there girl!

Hi there. First, I want to say that in the dark is very insightful You have some good things to say and you sound very caring. Also, welcome to both of you. You can find all kinds of help here, this subject being one. Unfortunatley, there are downtimes in all of our lives, but the good news is, they DO pass even if it doesn't seem like it at the time. I have often felt that I was destined to fail and worthless. It is the absolute worst when you dont feel that you have anyone who cares to listen. I fell into this state just recently. But things do tend to fall into place. I am a firm believer that God works in mysterious ways. I am not a very religious person, but I do believe this (along wiht a few other things). we may not know the meaning at the time. Anyway, we are always here to listen and advise your problems whenever you feel down. But try to look at everything as a learning experience and remember that this to shall pass. Just as everything does. If you feel that you continue to feel this way for no particular reason, I would look into talking to somone who is a professional and see what they can do to help. I hope this was of some help.

Jessica,

I can only offer you some support. It may or not may help you that I have been pestered throughout childhood and teenage years. I have felt very insecure over that and it led me into some sort of depression, although I am not sure if you could call it that exactly.

I am 30 now, Jessica and I am a VERY happy person. I have made major alterations in my life including a total 180 degrees turn. What helped me, was to care less about making others happy and that brings me to my rule in life, which might help you, as well when you read this:

"The only obligation YOU have in life, is the obligation for YOU to be happy. If YOU are not happy, you cannot make someone else happy."

What I am trying to say, is that you should seek out happiness and do things that makes YOU happy in the first place. You will find your parents struggling with that, but I suggest you explain them what you're trying to do. Ask for their understanding.

I hope that this helps you a little, too. You have made your first steps to seek a way out, by coming to this forum. My suggestion is to surround yourself with more people that are able and open to help you.

Good luck!

~ SwingFox ~