Confused and devasted!!!

This is a long story so bear with me. I had been dating this girl for a year and 2 months, things in the beginning were good. somewhere along the way I became very withdrawn. I didnt want to hang out with her, wouldnt call her back, when she wanted to discuss her feelings with me i would never say anything or ask her if we could talk about it later, this girl tried and tried for a long time she did so much for me and I never gave anything in return. I was very cold and I know she felt rejected. My intententions were never to purposefully hurt her. I have problems with depression and think that was one of the things made me withdraw and want to isolate. She told me many time that she was unhappy and that her needs weren't being met but I didnt see it, I just kept on pushing her away. Three weeks ago she told me she was seeing someone else and she felt that she had to make a choice, she felt that she had a good feeling about this new guy and that she didnt want to risk missing out on this new oppurtunity with him for what seemed like a hopeless cause with me. I was devasted, a few days later I went over her house with a letter I wrote: basically an amends list that i let her read. after she read it she started crying, I started crying, we exchanged the I love you's and I dont want to lose you's and hugged and cuddled for a while. That night she agreed to see me in a few days because she already had made plans with this other guy. That saturday afteroon I called her to make plans for the evening but she had changed her mind. She said she decided on this other guy and she was scared that if she hung out with me it would be to hard, it would cofuse her. I started pleading and begging on the phone for her not to do this, for her to give us a chance. she didnt want to hear it and she kept getting mad at me sayng that I was trying to make her feel guilty. The next day I went over her house with flowers to try and talk with her but she acted really cold, she wouldnt even look at me, I continue to try to convince her that we could work things out, that I would do what I needed to do to make myself better and that I would be there for her. She didnt respond to that and continued to be cold and she told me she didnt want to give us another chance she wants to be with this other guy. I let a week go by and in the mean time I started seeing a therapist, going out more, being social, started going to the gym etc.. doing positive stuff for myself. That following monday I called her and she seemed very happy to hear from me, she told me that she was very excited that I was doing all this positive stuff. We had very nice conversation very relaxed and open. She said she has been thinking about me all the time and that she still has the flowers that I gave to her on that past sunday. She told me that she wanted to be my friend but that it would take time, I told her that I didnt know if I could do that, that it would be hard for me. Towards the end of the conversation we agreed that this is really hard and that we missed and loved each other. A few days later I wrote her a love poem and sent it to her in an e-mail. That friday she called me and told me she read my poem and it made her cry, I quickly steered the conversation into small talk. We ended up talking for four hours on the phone, we had a great conversation, it felt like before when we first met, when things were going good. At the end of the conversation she told me I could call her anytime. That Monday I called her and told her I loved her and that I wanted to give us another chance but she hadnt changed her mind about anything and she still wanted to be with this guy, When I asked if she loved me she told me she was sure that she cared about me that way but wasnt sure if she ever really loved me, maybe that she was makeing herself feel that way when he was with me. Ouch!!!! But after all that she still wants to be my friend. I told her I didnt know. Tuesday I wrote her an e-mail apologizing to her for pushing her, I told her I respected her decision and wanted her to be happy even if it wasnt with me. I told her that I would like to be friends in future because I love her and she is important part of my life. and I left it at that.

I feel really confused about the situation!! How could somebody be so into you and within a few weeks turn around and run?

How could she be so attached and emotionally attached to this other guy already?

I love this girl and are willing to do anything to be with her, to make myself better.

sometimes I think she is with this other guy as a way to get over me! it seems too convient that she has this other guy there right when she wants to break up with me.... Or is it possibly a ploy to get back at me for all the pain I put her through.

I have decided not to call her, leave her alone. What should my next move be. Get on with my life and forget about her! Be her friend and wait in the wings ( I dont know if I am cool being someones constallation prize) which I think she wants me to do.

I wish I knew what she was thinking or what she really wanted!!!

Sorrry for the super long post but I am very confused and hurt and would appreciate any advice someone could give me.

I'm not good at reading other people's reasons for doing things. But I can kind of understand what the girl is feeling. My boyfriend of 3 years just dumped me in December.... it's the second time he did this for no reason at all. and I want him back so bad it hurts, but I'm afraid that if he does come back... he will eventually break my heart again...

I think this girl that you are in love with is probably feeling the same way, scared that you will do this again. It sounds like she still loves you or she wouldn't continue talking to you. Maybe she is using this other guy to try to get over you, I don't really know.. but I hope that things work out for you!

You need to realize that you hurt her. I know that sucks, but ya f'd up.

If you want to be with her this is what you need to do...but before you do this you need to be sure you REALLY want to be with her and its not that you just don't like losing casue if thats the case you are gonna waste a lot of your time: first you need to get up on out of her grill and give her some space (this means no 'i love you's' or poems or anything). Second, and most improtantly, be her friend. Start slowly, be her friend, hang out with her, eventually it will become crystal clear wether you have a shot at getting her back or not.

Dude, i'm in a VERY similar situation... girlfriend broke up with me before christmas because i wasn't being affectionate, wasn't giving her what she needed. But that was because of depression, i don't talk about my feelings so she never knew.. i told her when she broke up with me but it was too late... she got with this guy very soon after and even slept with him... she's going out with him now and i'm still sitting herer moping... she tells me she loves me all the time and that i'm her soulmate, etc... i don't know what to believe from her.. i know i hurt her, and if this is my punishment so be it... i say let her come back to you... obviously she holds all the cards and she knows it... If she really loves you let her call you, let her tell you shit, act like it doesn't bother you.. that's where i'm messing up.. i'm a dick everytime i talk to her.. i always tell her to go be with her boyfriend and have fun and stuff and not to worry about me cause i wasn't worth it and stuff, shit like that to piss her off i guess... i dunno, i gotta stop talking to her tho... it really drives me nuts... my best advice.. be you.... don't wait for her cause you'll do nothing but cause yourself hurt you don't want/need... trust me...

here's to disillusioned love