Should I get out of this relationship? If so, how?

I'm a 27 year old female dating a 27 year old male. We've talked about marriage but I'm not sure I even want to continue dating this man. We've been dating for about 2 years and 2 months. Since we first started dating he has displayed a violent temper. He gets 'irritated' at everything and states how he hates everyone. There hasn't been a single day when he doesn't get angry about something. And I don't mean upset, I mean angry where his face contorts, he gets loud, and rants for a good 10 to 15 minutes and that's on a good day. There have been days where he gets mad about something someone does and he breaks or throws things. He's even grabbed me around the neck and squeezed to where I couldn't breathe or grabbed my face so hard it hurt for a few days. Just the other day we had an argument about how I don't feel supported when he sides with his mom when she's rude to me, to make a long story short. I feel so strongly that when a man and woman are together that regardless of what or who the two are going against, as long as neither one is being mean or the like to someone else, that they should stand beside each other. In explaining my feelings about this he got so mad he walked up to me talking about how he could just cut people up when they don't do what he says etc and kicked our cat so hard against the wall that poop slattered on it. Then about 2 weeks ago he was supposed to be home at around 1:30 or 2:00 pm and when he hadn't shown up at around 3:45, 4:00 pm without calling to let me know anything I went to look for him. I saw my vehicle with what I swear was a woman in the front seat but when I confronted him about it he swore up and down that it was a guy from work that he was giving a ride home and I felt like a fool. We argued about that one for awhile and he broke a couple of hangers because he was so mad. He says that breaking hangers is a healthy way to release anger, I don't agree with that but am I being hard on him? Then just 2 days ago, he decided not to come home for lunch. He didn't call me or anything to let me know he was ok at all. When he finally got home at around 3something I was furious. We had argued about the last time that it had happened when he didn't call me so much that I was certain if he were coherant he would call me to let me know. When he got home he said that instead of getting out at 11:00am they got out late from class and that he didn't get down to the car until about 11:30. He started home and construction was so bad that by the time it was 11:50 he decided to go through a drive-thru of a Hardee's, take it back to the base and eat since he had to be back at 12:15. When I asked him why he didn't call me he said he couldn't find a phone. When I got angry at him for not even trying to find a phone he got angry at me and told me he's just go without lunch next time and that I was being unreasonable. However, I found the receipt in the car from where he went to eat and the time on it was 11:23, a good 20 minutes different from what he said it was, so he actually had plenty of time to come home. When I showed him the receipt he said it wad wrong. I'm getting so tired of this it's making me sick. However, if I leave him, I honestly think he's so unstable that he'd follow me and hurt either me or whoever I was with, parents particularly. I used to love him but I'm not sure I do anymore. Perhaps if he could go through anger management or stress management we could work it out but I just don't know what to do. Which he had agreed to before but now that the time has come he doesn't want to do it and finds all kinds of faults with it.

LEAVE, LEAVE NOW.

This man is violent! What the hell are you still ding there?

And tell other people what he does IMMEDIATELY, to protect yourself.

You are in danger.

Yes, he needs help. But by staying with him you are showing him it is OK to treat you this way.

He needs help, but whether he enrolls in anger management classes or not, YOU need to GET OUT.

You may need help yourself too, because this is a traumatic situation to deal with. Talk to counseler confidentially, just so you have someone on your side to help you through this.

I can't BELIEVE you're even thinking about who is right and who is wrong in these arguments. Who cares? This man is violent and abusive.

The only way you could ever work it out is if you leave, wait for him to get loooooots of therapy, wait for him to realize what he is doing wrong, get some help for yourself so that you can learn to set limits and avoid repeating this situation...

But I seriously doubt it. You say you're not even sure you love him anymore.

And after 2 years, wouldn't you need YEARS for him to get better and prove that he's better? How could you ever feel safe with him again?

Sounds like you're better off starting fresh.

WHAT IS KEEPING YOU THERE?

This is not your fault at all, but you definitely need to look into why you are willing to accept this behavior...

In any case, this relationship must stop now, in order to give you the future you deserve, and hopefully him too (if he gets help and learns to change his ways).

Don't marry him. Don't have kids with him. Don't stick around long enough for him to beat the crap out of you and/or kill you eventually.

Please let us know how it goes and if you have more to say...

Hi Duske,

I am very worried over the situation you are in. I believe that he is controlling you by getting so angry and that this is the reason why you are afraid to leave.

My suggestion is, though, to try to get out of the house anyways. I am not sure how your law enforcement works, but I would suggest you talk to them and ask them for advice in case his anger is turning against you, when you leave. May be getting a cell phone for the time being would be a good idea, so that you have something to grab when he shows up anyways.

I don't think it would be wise for you to stay much longer, if this man is as violent as you have pictured him. I hope this was a little of help and wish you good luck in the near future.

~ SwingFox ~

You knew the answer to your question before you even wrote the post. Totally sever ties with this man. Get out of there now. Heed the good advice of the other two posters. The longer you hang around, the worst it is going to get. You are being co-dependent to this foolishness. You cannot change a man, he has to do it himself. Even if he does decide to get, you need to sever ties now!!!

I also suggest getting counseling for yourself to determine how you attracted this kind of person and how not to do it again. I pray God's protection over you and God's wisdom for you.