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Thread: How do I get through to my bf to be more open and honest wit

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2004

    How do I get through to my bf to be more open and honest wit

    Hi all,
    Let me start by saying thank you for viewing and answering my last post I put on here. It's good to know that I'm not the only one thinking the way I do. Well, since last time my bf and I had resolved things(or so I thought). We talked and I apologized for invading his space and he apologized for hiding and lying to me about things. Well, heres the problem...While he says that he promises to be more open and honest about taking pictures, we had a kind of playful/serious argument about it again. He told me that if he felt that I should know about him taking pics than he would tell me and if not than he won't tell me. Now that doesn't sound like someone who is going to keep their promise. He's already promised to share them with me 3 times already and every time hes broken his promise. I must be completely stupid for believing him. Now at first I didn't like him taking naked pick of himself because it might ruin my one chance a day with him(and by that I mean sex because of our age difference). He promised not to spunk when he takes them some I've learned to accept the fact that he takes them and have told him that I really like them and even enjoy when he takes them. I thanked him for sharing them with me. You see...I work during the day and he stays at home. He knows what I do during my day...I go to work, leave work, do my errands, chat on-line , whatever. When he asks me what I did, I tell him everything I did. Even though I know he doesn't like me chatting on- line (because he feels that all men want to do is hook up for sex) I still tell him I do. I know he's a little insecure about it so thats why I tell him when I do. I tell him who I talk to, what we talked about, and I even tell him when guys try and hit on my or ask if I want to hook up. I don't me to make him sound controlling, hes not, I tell him all this stuff cause I want to, because I know that if rolls were reversed I might be a little insecure too. I tell him cause I want to be sure he knows that I'm JUST TALKING and not looking for anything else outside of him. Anyway, I tell him all of the good things and the that happen with my day. But when it comes time for him to share his day he only tells me the that happened and conveniently leaves out taking pictures, the one fun thing he does with his day. I've told him that I don't want him for his money, or a place to stay, or just sex. I want him because I love him for who he is not what he has and if that means that hes going to take pictures than I've learned to accept that fact. I don't know how to get through to him that all I want from him is to be open and honest with me. I thought being in a relationship meant that BOTH partners are COMPLETELY honest and open with each other. Am I wrong or am I just wishing for that fairy tale relationship? I know he wouldn't like it if I dressed up in drag so I asked him, what would you do or say if I dressed up in drag around the house. Both taking pics and dressing up in drag in the confindes of the house and almost the same situation. On one hand, I know hes going to take pics, so I had to learn to accept it because it was either accept it or leave if I don't like it. He told me that he wouldn't like me dressing in drag and that he probably would leave me. That told me alot. That he expects me to accept the fact that he takes pictures but he wouldn't accept me dressing in drag( which I don't do, it was just an analogy). Am I wrong for accepting this or is he wrong? I'm getting tired of being in a double standard relationship. I love him more than anything but I just don't know how to get through to him that I just want to be apart of him and his day, just like he want to be apart of mine. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks for listening. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2003

    The answer is in your heart...


    I am sorry that you are going through such a rough time in your relationship right now. I am 30, male and I guess this is a male's point of view. You had quite a lot of questions, so let's go over them one by one.

    First of all I admire your honesty and your way of being open to your b/f. I think you are seriously doing the right thing there. The only thing that I see missing, is reassuring him, after you told him that someone try to 'hit' on you. Telling him that he doesn't need to worry. You are doing GREAT with that.

    As far as far as a you talking about how both partners are completely honest and open with each other, I have to tell you this: guys are usually not as communicative. Wether it's because they are too proud or too pride, I don't know. I can tell you this, though, there are many many exceptions. I'd like to believe that I am one of them. I love communicating and will solve any existing problem asap. I hate it when people lie to me or are not as honest and open as I am. Fact remains, though, that I do try to teach people. I tell them that they can be totally honest and open to me and that I want to know when something is going on or on their mind. I do that especially in friendships. For me honesty and being open is one of the building blocks of a friendship/relationship. So, is this a fairy tale? I don't think so... there are guys out there that do think like you do.
    Am I wrong for accepting this or is he wrong? I'm getting tired of being in a double standard relationship
    You have to see how long you are going to put up with this, if you should at all. It looks like that you already have made a decision that you don't want this any longer. That you are getting tired of it. I think it would be a good idea to let him know and then let him think about it, too. If he really wants you, he is willing to listen to you and may be willing to make sacrifices, as well. If he doesn't want to do that, then may be it is a good idea to go eventually your separate ways.

    Bottom line: you need him to help you with this. If that can't be done, I have serious worries over your relationship with him.

    I hope this helped for you and I wish you good luck.

    ~ SwingFox ~


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