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How long should I wait.


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Recently I posted a story about something terrible I did. If Interested to know my whole situation just take a look at my recent post. Anyways A girl that I walked out on states that she needs to with me to rebuild our friendship and eventually we could be in a relationship with her again. I finally have got it through my thick skull to give her space because I was pressuring her to get back with me. Also I bought her a promise ring to show her that I am real about being committed to her and to never walk out on her again. I walked on her twice. But this time it is not peaches and cream for me to get back with her. She did not accept the ring because she said she rather have it once we are together again. I really do love this girl and I do not want to ever hurt her again. My question is how long should I reamain her friend? When will I know to move on if she never decides to get back with me? Also could it be that she is testing me to see if I will walk out on her again? Also I think she is kind of fed up with me because when we do talk it is always about me and her getting back together. I've noticed that she sounds kind of annoyed when she talks to me? Like I will ask her if she can talk, she will respond by saying "yeah but not for long." Should I do the same when she calls me? Or should I just say I will call you back and don't her back for about two or three days? I do know she loves me, but I also want to make her feel like I am not gonna take that crap from her also. Please help I don't want to let it get to the point where we are being cold towards each other.

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Hi,

 

I have read your post and I am a little bit worried. It really looks like that you two are playing mindgames. Yes, she might be testing you, but that's because she has been hurt twice already and wants to be sure. It looks like you two really have some trust issues.

 

My suggestion to you is to cut the mindgames and start communicating. Think of what you really look for in a relation and how she meets your needs in that. Think of what you really miss(ed) in your relation and write that down. If you still feel the need to get her back then walk up on her, wrap your arms around her and tell her: "I love you very much and I really want to have a talk with you and sort things out with you!" At this point your girl has to give in and listen. If she doesn't then I am afraid it's time to let her go, because the mind playing games will continue even if you manage to get her back later.

 

If she listens, express your feelings towards her and tell her how much you care about her. Express your needs towards her and tell her all the nice things that you shared in your relation. Last but not least, communicate the things you missed in your relation and what your needs are regarding that (you wrote them down!). Then stop and make her talk. Listen to her and listen carefully. Ask questions on parts that are unclear to you. If you work it out, get together. If not, I suggest that you two decide to go your separate ways.

 

Communication leads to a better understanding. Good luck!

 

~ SwingFox ~

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I've done that so many times and she tells me she wants to get back with me but not now becasue she is concerned about her health. When I walked out on her the second time she tried to kill herself and lost our baby in the process. All she tells me to do is wait. I told her yesterday that if she wanted to let go of me now just give me the "word" and she would never have to hear from me. She said she did not want that. She said just be there for the time you where not there.

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This girl does love you deeply but you have wounded her. You need to respect the fact that she needs space, not only recognize it. She wants you to be in her life but she is afraid you will hurt her again if she lets you get to close, if she makes herself vulnerable to you again. Try to sort this out in a healthy manner. fox is right, these are mindgames that you are playing with her. This is not a elementary school relationship so stop acting like it is. Talk to her as a person. She is aware that you care for her and want to be with her and hse is also aware that she just needs to say the word for you to leave, but that is not what she wants. Stick around for her, cuz she's right, you need to make up for the time you were not there. Be her friend and her companion and don't force anything to happen. If it is meant to be, it will happen, maybe slowly but it will happen. Just take things day by day as they come. Talk to her about being together when SHE brings it up. You should talk to her about things that are happening in your life so that she doesn't get overwhelmed by your persistance because that will only push her away. She is stating clearly what she needs from you and that that is ALL she needs for now, you need to learn to listen to these words and signs. Good luck

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I agree to Mermayd up to a certain level here. I would advice you, though also to listen to your own heart. It takes a lot of patience and understanding to go through Mermayd's suggested ideas.

 

What I am trying to say is that I want you to be careful, that your woman is not taking advantage of this. I have been trapped into a situation, where I was made felt guilty and constantly had to walk on my toes to make the relation happen.

 

See what your needs are and how far you can meet her needs, but I would recommend you to draw a line and make a statement to her if she tries to cross it. It is in NO way fair to you that you constantly have to walk on your toes for her.

 

Good luck! I do hope that you guys get it sorted out...

 

~ SwingFox ~

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