My touch of heaven

Hello everyone,

I've shared this problem once before, but it has not really been solved yet. I've had trouble dealing with this and, well we're all here to help each other, so I thought I'd bring it up again.

It's my ex-girlfriend. I'm still in love with her. We broke up 10 weeks and a day ago (I'm the type of person who remembers events by the minutes too so it's not unique that I'm counting). We were together for almost a year, and at the last few weeks we were going through some not so good times. I was busy and so was she, we couldn't get together to see each other except on weekends, and we barely had time to call each other, and a lot of times the calls didn't go through for some reason. I'm in the army but I come home every day, and even if i couldn't see her I would go to her home everynight, no matter what time, just to feel the comfort of knowing I'm close to her. Well we had a week where we didn't talk. That didn't bother her and she thought that she shouldn't string me along if it didn't matter to her that we weren't talking. So she broke it up. What I find difficult to accept about this is that we didn't get the chance to try. We were together for close to a year and because of one or two weeks of not much communication it was over.

I have tried to get her back. I have tried to stay away after the first didn't work. I find myself unable, or unwilling to let go. There is a reason for this. Unlike so many break-ups in the past, I do see, and very clearly so, a future for her and I. I can feel this is not the way things are supposed to be.

She still cares for me, and she says she is 'between good times'. I can't really accept things the way they are. Today is the one year anniversary of the day I met her. Since she has been the most unique and special person in my life during that year, I made something for her. A necklace with an Agat chalcedony blue stone at the center. One of her birthstones, and something that expresses my wishes for her - happiness, success, good wishes and dreams. I was afraid at first to give this to her, so I called her best friend, a guy, to ask only if I should bring the gift to her.

I know I shouldn't have called him, but I was too afraid to call her. I was afraid I might upset her somehow because I was bringing her a gift.

Anyway he said I should. He then said I should then give her some time. I hadn't requested any help in getting her back, he volunteered this. I felt immediately a surge of hope, but I knew to remember things could turn out badly for me if I hang all my hopes in those words. I couldn't very well ignore them though, could I?

I called her today, to ask her what she decided. It was not clear. She didn't answer but asked me what purpose would it serve. Why did I want to give her this necklace? So she would look at it and remember? She also remarked about me calling her friend and said (and I couldn't help but feel bad about myself) that I had no right calling her best friend. She was right of course, no matter that I wasn't calling for help in any romantic subject, just that present, she was still right. She also said it was not his place to say to me what he had said.

So I'm left, tonight, without knowing whether or not I can bring her the necklace, without knowing whether or not I should have -any- hope for anything, and without the will to move on to another girl. I am in love with her, completely. I can't disregard what we had, what he had said to me, what I feel for her, and that she said she still cares about me, that I am important to her. Nor can I disregard that despite everything, we connected again today like we hadn't done since the break up. We talked and laughed, and it felt like what it used to feel like. If we can be like that, and I've seen that we can - how can I give up? And what should I do next? Awaiting any comment whatsoever.

Gratefully yours.

_______________________________

she is my ^-touch-of-heaven-^

I do not think you need to let go of the fact that she still cares about you. This is an important factor. I would say that you should give her the necklace along with the explination of why. That you care about her in more than a romantic sense, that you love her as a friend and she has branded herself in your mind and heart. The necklace does not necessarily have to be a romantic gesture but only a caring one, telling her that you treassure all of the memories she has given you. I would also talk to her, when the time is right, about why the two of you left eachother. It doesn't sound like you fully understand where she is coming from. You are right...nearly a year of bliss and then one downhill event and its over? Explain to her that all relationships have their ups and downs and that once you get past the hardships, things are better that they were before. Ask her if there is something that she is not telling you why she wanted to get out of the relationship. you won't be able to begin to heal if she is not willing to provide answers. There are still many questions that are unanswered and it is hard for you to move forward without these answers. I hope I was of some help...

I called her again tonight. It was such a good conversation again. She seemed so friendly once more, and I was feeling better and better all the time. She told me she agreed to let me deliver my present to her. I had already crafted a beautiful card all by myself, fashioned it especially for her, and it carried what I wished for her and an explanation of the different aspects of the stone I gave her. She said she had to study and I suggested I put it in an envelope so tomorrow morning she could pick it up from her mailbox. I went over and dropped it off, then looked at her window for a moment. The light was on, and I knew she was studying. For an instant I felt my heart surge as I thought I saw her standing there watching me, but it was false hope, it was just a reflection of a wall decoration through her glass windows. I have to say I feel as if I'm falling in love all over again with her. Is that possible? If it is, while I am already in love with her, couldn't she do the same? I'm positive I can make this work. She knows I don't fully understand why we broke up. She couldn't explain it to me either, not fully. She didn't understand it herself. I feel elated, by having known her. I feel above everything just by having had the chance to meet her, and the experience to be in love with her, especially to know that someone like her, loves someone like me. I know she cares, and I know she doesn't want to stir my hopes too much by telling me, and yet, even though I would classify myself as pessimistic by nature, I feel like there is a chance. Lately I've been getting the same responses from friends and everyone to whom I tell this story. I am thankful to have the chance to express it in front of this forum. Thank you, mermayd, for being there. I'm glad we can help each other out, and I hope for all of us, you, me, and whoever is reading, that everything will turn out good, in the end.

I have to go now, must get some sleep. May everyone have a good, calm night.

Sleep tight.

Goodluck to you all.

keep up good work