Devastated

This is my first post here. I am a 35 y/o M. I have been in a relationship with a 31 y/o F for about a year and a half. She was married when we met, but in a VERY abusive (both mentally and physically) relationship that she desparately wanted out of, but didnt know how to break away from this man. I witnessed many bruises and red marks on her while they were married. She attempted scuicide once because of his mental abuse of her. She was/is in therapy for major depression and has SLE (systemic lupus). She finally was able to break free of him last April and they were divorced last June. I stood beside her the through the whole process, got her a place to live temporarily after she decided to leave, and stood beside her and supported her through a work related injury that occurred one week after she moved out of her husband's home that almost paralyzed her and required cervical fusion surgury. I stayed with her at the hospital the whole time, held her hand and helped her get up to pee every hour all night long every night while in the hospital. We had been together for about 9 months at that time and were very much in love. Marriage plans were in place as soon as she completed her recovery and therapy. She could not leave her job and move with me until after her recovery and release by her dr. because it was a workers comp case and we didnt want her to be released without a full recovery, which would have affected her ability to get a job somewhere else. We grew closer and closer throughout this time. She has had, through some self esteem issues, a problem being completely honest with me about several things, but i always brush it off and trust her again. Our relationship was at a point where we were ready to get married this past weekend, so I proposed to her, and she overwhelmingly accepted. It was a special moment and she seemed so happy and content. During this day that I proposed, her EX-husband kept calling her house and leaving messages to the effect of "give me a call if you want me to come over this weekend", but she just said it was to discuss their tax filing situation for last year and how they would file so she didnt get screwed over and lose her refund. I was somewhat skeptical, so the next morning when I left her house, I hung around the neighborhood a while, and sure enough, around 1 pm, her EX shows up......they spend the day together, and spend the night at his house. This is a man that she attempted scuicide because of his actions and has loathed not only to me, but to all of her co-workers and friends for years. I am completely devastated after having her accept a marriage proposal one night, and witnessing what i witnessed the next day and night. I know I need to move on. It would be so much easier if I did something to deserve this, but all I have done is support her and love her for a year and a half. She was just beginning to get her real identity back and her self esteem was improving. it seems they have been sneaking behind my back for a little over a month. Please give any thoughts you have.

Wow! What an amazing man you are! I congratulate you and give you a great pat on the back. We need more people like you in this crazy world of ours. As far as the relationship goes, I think that your beloved is in love with you and does want to marry you. But I think she is still frightened of her ex. He could have threatened her if she didnt do something that he wanted, like stay over, or possibly more, and she accepted to be able to be free from harm. If I were you, I would be as honest with her as you would like her to be with you. Admit to her that your skeptisism led you to watch the house and that you soon found that she spent the night. See what her response is. I would also call her therapist and talk to him/her regarding this situation. Tell them what you saw and what happened and what makes you feel insecure about this situation. I am sure the therapist will then bring it up to her in the next session which will, in turn, lead your gf to talk to you about it more, and/or the therapist will tell you if you need to be concerned about your relationship or not, if you request it. Now, the sessions are confidential so you need to use this type of wording. You arent asking to know what she said, but if you need to be concerned...

But like I said before, I stress this....be as honest with her as you want her to be with you. In time, this quality will rub off... hope all goes well.

i am only 14 years old but have witnessed many tragities like this one i have lots of friends but none of them seem 2 care about me i question if i should stay or leave and be alone.. my mother and sister were raped several times and both want nothing 2 do with me my father does nothing i think about scuicide every day but have never tried i know the 1st time i try i will not stop my self!! i have soo many other problems in my life and nothing is goin good it is my birthday on the 17 and not even my family seems 2 care. im not relli shure wat this post is about but i just wanted 2 get this out i posted here cuz your story made me realize that sometimes its better just 2 keep your feelings to yourself because most of the time you end up getting hurt i think that you are a great person 4 going through that 4 a friend unfortinally i dont have friends like that but that gurl relly needs 2 realize wat she lost the reason i can see your pain is because i never had a friend that cared like that!!!!!