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Thread: hes drinking again...

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2003

    hes drinking again...

    WHEN WE FIRST started going out, he didnt drink or anything, we went out for 11 months, he started drinking got introuble with the law, broke up with me and had sex with 2 of my best friends, were back together and he stopped drinking for awhile 4 months later, and its been a year and 5 months, and NOW hes starting to drink again, he wont ever hurt me like he did again, trust me i know, he wont break up with me either, because getting back with me, was a journey...

    hes starting to drink again. i dont drink, but i drank once with him... the first time in my life (im 17)... i tried seeing it from his prospective... its okay but im not makign it a habbit... he is though...he doesnt think he is.. but he is... i talked so much to him about it... should i just let him do what he wants... because i cant control eeeeveyrthing he does... right?
    if i love him i should respect what he does... id want him too..

    im not breaking up with him so tell me some good advice

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Jess, hun, why are you in this situation??? You clearly stated that you dont want to break up with him so I wont push that, but I am concerned and you know you are unhappy. You have put several posts claiming your discontent with your boyfriend and now I read this...he has hurt you and no caring bf and no worthy friends cross that line of sleeping with eachother. Its just wrong and you can never trust them again, no matter how hard you try. From what you have posted, I have learned that our bf continues to look at other girls, you have broken up a few times before, he calls you worthless, you fight for dumb reasons...this is NOT heaalthy. Are you truly happy with him?? You sound intelligent and you have given some great advic, som of which I think you need to heed yourself. You deserve better. Im sorry, I said I wouldnt dwell on breaking up with him, but I am concerned about you...
    As far as the drinking goes, your bf sounds like an alcoholic. This is something you cannot control of fix, he needs to hit rock bottom before he realizes this problem and he needs to be the one to fix it. The only choice you can make is whether you want to be in the situation with him and suffer or whether you don't. You said you have talked to him about this, that is all you really can do, and maybe advise AA meetings, but theres not much else you can do to help him. Like you said, it is his life and you can control what he does.
    I think you know the answers to the questions you have. The real question is are you ready to admit what they are??? I truly hope everything works out with you. and i will give you the advice I have given before and you have given as well...DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY!!!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Save yourself a TON of heartache in the future and break things off with him. I know you don't want to hear that, but I've been there, done that before... your boyfriend obviously already has an alcohol problem, and if he isn't an alcoholic already, he's well on the way.

    Ask yourself:

    1. Are you HAPPY?
    2. Is your happiness important to HIM?
    3. Are you a priority in his life?
    4. Do you trust him?
    5. Are you conversations MOSTLY about him, about his problems, about his drinking?
    6. Does he prefer to go out to the bars or to drink over spending time with you?

    If you can honestly answer "yes" to the first 4 questions and "no" to the last 2, then keep working forward with the relationship... but if you are answering "no" to the first 4 questions and "yes" to the last 2... RUN, RUN RUN RUN RUN

    When I was 19, I got involved with a 24 year old artist who drank just about every single night. Within a few months, I found I was doing all the "work" to make the relationship work, he wasn't taking me out unless it was drinking, we were NEVER doing ANYTHING that I wanted to do, and although we were having sex, we didn't have any "intimacy" - hugging, kissing, cuddling. When I started complaining, he said things like hey, this is the way I am, take it or leave it, if you love me like you say you do then you will accept me the way I am... etc. etc. etc.

    Oh, yea, he slept with my friends, too.

    Love does mean accepting a person... however, love does NOT mean accepting BAD BEHAVIOR. And he was BAD BEHAVIOR 95% of the time. His bad behavior got worse - resulting in one night after my complaining him hitting me accross the face with a beer bottle, 20 years later I still have a 1/2" scar on my nose from that.

    You are only 17. There are many, many, many wonderful men out there who will HONOR you, who will choose YOU over drinking, and who will respect what YOU want in a relationship.

    I hope this helps... I wish you the best of luck!

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