I need some advice and to know if I'm crazy

Hi,

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years now. There is a big age difference between us but I love him because he acts like a big grown kid. He works out of home and I work else where. Well...he at one point in time had stated to me that he can only shoot his load once a day and is worried about keeping up with my sex drive. Now, when I'm away he likes to take nude pics of himself with hard on and all. I don't think that there is anything wrong with it as long as he doesn't spunk. My feelings are that if he does it than I am missing out on my one chance to share myself with him. I told him that if he does it without me than I'm going to do it with out him. I mean he's the one who told me that he's worried about keeping up with me and if he wants to waste it on himself than I don't think he should be able to enjoy seeing me spunk if I can't him. Is that fair?

When he first started to take pics of himself, I didn't like it because I was worried I would miss out on my one chance with him but I told him that I won't mind if he wouldn't spunk. Since then he's taken many pic and I trust that he hasn't spunk while doing them.

He always tells me that he doesn't have anything to do all day but he tells me when I call him from work to ask how his day is going, he tells my all the shit that happened through the day and convinently leaves out the one the fun he did with his day(taking pics). The first two times he didn't tell me I we offened because he obviously had no problem with sharing all of the shit that happened with his day and just wanted to be apart of the fun part of his day. I told him that I like it when he shares them with me and I think some of them are pretty tasteful and that I just want to be a part of his day like he asked of me. I have been completely open with him with my day but he lacked on his end. I told him please let me be a part of his life but he seems to only remember that I I didn't like it when he took them(even though I had told him I did like them twice before that). Now...he used to take pics at least twice a week before he went on vacation and when he can back he claimed to stop cold turkey. Something in my head told me"yeah right" he used to take pics like it was a ritual and then he stops, I don't think so. So I asked him if he took pic of himself, I even asked him in the most excited way I could to show him that I wouldn't be mad and that I liked seeing his pics and being a part of his day. (Now keep in mind I tried to show him that I liked and accepted his "hobby") He looked at me and lied right to my face. He told me that he hadn't taken any pics since he got back from vacation. I knew he was lying so I found his hidden disk. Now I am not proud of what I did and feel bad for defying his trust even though he defied my trust first by lying to me. The disk and pics taken that were taken after he got back from vac.

Now don't get me wrong...the camera and pics is not the issue. The real issue is that he lied straight to my face and didn't seem to have a problem with it. Now I know we both defied each others trust but the fact remains that if he had just been honest and open with me(like he asked of me) than I wouldn't have snooped in his draws. Does anyone have any advice or comments on what to do? How can I get through to him to just please let me in and be a part of his day? How can I get him to be honest and open like he did of me? Thank you for reading.

ROGUE

thats the way guys are, they get off at loooking at porn, there should be no problem with it, its better that he does anyway... it keeps the relationship fresh, as long as hes not really doing it with another girl, it shoudl be fine, talk to him about being honest, and make him know that u are not playing anymore, ive tried and still am trying to get my bf to say i love you infront of his friends, so far its not working, do u believe i just talked to him and than i said well LOVE U TOO and hung up and he sent me a text messaeg back saying i love u, thats so pathetic, i mean its been a year and 5 months, common now! anyway, let him know u are not playing, my phones off, he knows im p!ssed.. dont talk to him a lot dont have sex iwth him a lot. make him beg, and say... theres always ur computer buddy and turn over. u dont need that girl, put ur foot down! (IT MAY TAKE A WHILE)