Toughest time of my life, help!!

Hi,

I have been with my girlfriend, now ex, for just over a year. From the start of December i noticed her spending less time with me. When i questioned her about this she told me i was just paranoid. Although now i realise i was right.

We got through xmas and new years, it was alright, nothing special. But we had so much plans for January. It was my birthday on the 15th, hers on the 29th, and then I had paid for and booked 2 tickets to new york.

On the 9th of Jan she told me how looking forward she was to all thats happening in January and told me how much she loved me.

The next day i got a text message saying she didnt feel the same anymore and thinks we should end it. I phoned all night and she wouldnt answer the phone, i was so confused and so hurt. She answered it on the saturday and said look i dont want to hurt you but i dont feel the same anymore and think its best we split. I had no idea, i was totally gutted, my life just seems in tatters.

A few days later i decided to phone her, i know it was a stupid move, but i phoned her anyway. I got another kick in the teeth, to find out she has a new boyfriend. She said she wanted to tell me before someone else did and she said there is no intentional hurt. While i appreciate this honesty, i am angry and extremely hurt about how dishonest she was about her feelings.

I am finding it very difficult to sleep, I force myself to eat one small meal a day, my mind is continually annoying itself about what she is doing now with her new man, the doctor has given me anti depressants. I am 26 years old and have been in different relationships throughout my life but never have i been so hurt in all my life. I have good friends and family and have seeked advice and help from them, all of which is good. But i still cant get any better and i cant get her out of my head.

I treated her like royalty. Im the sort of person who feels if you love someone then show it, dont hide it. I have never been in a fight in my life, and am proud to say im a caring, honest and sensible man. I know I have done nothing wrong within the relationship, but man this hurt is eating at me 24/7!

I know theres no magic cure, no magic pill and that I just have to let time take its course. Time will heal, unfortunately the journey to that light at the end of the tunnel is a very unpleasant one.

I just wanted to share this to let others know they are not alone and if anyone can offer me some more hope, advice, its all taken on board and greatly appreciated.

Thanking you.

Tony (Ireland)

Take heart.

When you are depressed about something, you need to remind yourself that you won't always feel like this.

Sometimes depression can be so deep, that you don't remember ever feeling differently, and some people start to doubt if they will ever feel good again.

Don't doubt it. Take pleasure in the little things in life here and there that make you feel good, even just a tiny bit good. Use these things as a reminder that you CAN feel good.

You will get over this. And everyone out there who is depressed, hang in there. You will get over it in time, just make an effort to take pleasure in whatever you can. You are not alone.

Good luck all.

Look man, Im honestly telling you the truth, that happened with my boyufriend also, but instead of him going with another girl,, he had sex with 3 of my best friends, who hate ME now for no reason. Ive been with my boyufriend for 1 year and some months. i thought we would never get back together, till he called me... i know love is no game, but please dont call her, let her find out for herself that it was a mistake, sometimes me and my bf dont feel the same too, its just feelings, theyll go away. please dont call her anymore, it may take weeks, but i didnt call my bf and its been a year weve been going out, and were doing great, and he doesnt even think of those stupid usto be friends of mine anymore... i dont either, people are jerks, IF you love your girlfriend, let her learn from her mistake, everyone has to learn once in there life...right? Itll hurt you for awhile, but please put it in the past WHEN you get back together, cuz im positive if u do what i say youll get her back. and when she calls or things DONT BE LIKE OH GOD I MISS YOU, dont say ne thing like that, just talk to her like ur friend, dont make her feel liek youve been waiting, just make it clear about how you feel. IF IT COMES UP...

and for real...that.. .not sleeping,not eating, thres noting you can do but just wait it out... i waited 3 months like that. i even seen a therapist, my mom even took me to south carolina to get me away... just try your best, dont give up... Youll be fine I promise...

Try to eat lots of protein and get in shape. People who stay home too much lack confidence and that will not empower you to go forward. Stop thinking about her so much. She doesn't deserve it. Get a new interest or hobbie to help while you are rebuilding. Get off the anti depressant as soon as you can. A pill cannot help. We are a thinking and social human being. We need love and support and newness to make our lives more inteeresting. When you go to pubs try to meet new people who don't know your past and don't tell them that you are in a rebuilding period. If you go to church go to a nearby town, maybe there is another lost soul in that town waiting for a lovely man like you to build up a relationship with. Let the other girl go! You won't need her in the future. Let that be history and stay history for sure...you can do better! You know so in your heart! Set some long-term goals to get you moving in an entirely new direction.

Thank you for your replies and advice.

I dont think we will ever get back and my friends tell me to stay well away even if in the future she wants back. You see this is the third time she has done this to me. But this time its more final she has even said that I have to accept that we will never ever get back. I appreciate her honesty but her way of telling me was very immature and extremely hurtful. I think it might be a bad move if i ever got back with her cause i'll just be paranoid all the time thinking "when is she gonna dump me again", there would be no trust and would be a very unhealthy relationship. Nevertheless, this opportunity would never arise anyway.

I appreciate you saying that I should stay of the anti depressants. I started taking anti depressants about 3 years ago after a traumatic experience regarding my health. My health is fine now except i still get down at times. Getting dumped just increased that down feeling immensly.

I do have hobbies, alot of hobbies but the pain that she has caused me has left me with no interest, no motivation. And also when im not sleeping or eating it leaves me very tired and exhausted.

To be honest, im scared. Im scared having to go through this, im scared it will take forever to get over or if i ever will. I have never done anyone any harm in my life, ive been really good to people and this is what happened to me! I know im feeling sorry myself, i cant help it.

Some people say dont think about her, I wish! Thats the problem i cant stop thinking about her and all my thoughts are pretty negative like I vision here enjoying herself with her new boyfriend, doing things we used to do etc..

Every minute seems like an hour, time is going so so slow. I know things could be a lot worse and theres people out there who have a lot more troubles than me; but the fact still remains im feeling like this and it is so rotten. I just want my old self back again and to be honest, at the moment, I cant see that happening. I really am so scared. Maybe im worse because im so sensitive and already suffer from mild depression, i dont know, i dont know anymore. At the moment, my life is just a living nightmare and theres nothing i can do about it.

Tony.

(Ireland)

Just got through writing a message to mikey. I feel somewhat comforted by the words of others encouraging me and others to move on. So many good people out there! I truly indeed feel blessed by all of this kind words of advice from people I don't necessarily know but share a common situation. There is this sense of warmth that I seem to get after reading messages of people who reply to me. It is truly helping me cope with my broken relationship. Although this is a tough time for you, especially when someone ups and leaves you for someone else. We must try to move on. If you have the need to cry, punch something (an object not person), grieve, just do it. Do it for about a week and then stop. Its totally not worth to put your health at risk. I know your appetite will not be there for the most part because of depression and stuff, hell, I lost like at least 5 pounds in the last 4-5 days from not eating feeling so depressed, but you need to stop thinking about after a week and go to the gym and exercise or play some B ball, something that requires you to expend energy. You will feel better trust me! You are on the road to recovery, and are making the right choice by not going back to her or calling her for that matter. Even if she calls you in the future to get back, think about it carefully, it wouldn't be wise to give her that chance after you suffered. Peace.