Don´t know who I am anymore - please help

Hi.

I´m a 25 year old female, straight. I´m single and never had a bf, and never had intimate contact with anyone. These issues have been bothering me for some time.

All my life I´ve considered myself "the quiet intelligent girl in class", the one that never dates, the one that no boy finds attractive. When I was younger I went to parties and saw the people I was interested in dancing and kissing other girls... I am a reserved person and never shared my feelings with anyone.

Time passed and I lacked inner resources to deal with it, so I gradually started getting used to the fact that I was unattractive, so I didn´t really missed a male presense in my life. Nobody ever approached me in all this time and I didn´t care. I stopped going to discos and places where I could meet men because I was afraid of being rejected.

The thing is that I am beggining to question my position. I see my friends with their boyfriends, and start to wonder if I don´t deserve having someone to be with me. I´m feeling very lonely lately.

Some months ago I decided I would go out out with my friends again, this time with no great expectations of meeting someone special. Two weeks ago we went out dancing and this intriguing thing happened. I was on the dance floor when suddenly I felt someone take me by the hand. When I realised what was going on I was embraced by a guy - my hand were on his shoulders and his hands were on my hips. He put his mouth very close to my ear and said that I was the most sexy girl on the club, that he wanted to kiss me etc.

I freezed and panicked, didn´t know what to do, I had never been in a situation like that I told him I didn´t want anything, he insisted and I rejected.

Looking back, I really wished I hadn´t reacted the way I did. After all, that was my chance of finally meeting someone. Situations like that ( a guy coming to me and thinking I´m nice) don´t happen in my life.

This also caused a major change in the way I see myself and I´m uncomfortable with it. I´ve always been the shy unattractive girl, was even accostumed to that, and suddenly some guy sees me as a sexy, attractive woman. My problem is that I don´t know who I am anymore. It is strange and uncomfortable to realise that the person I have always been might not exist anymore.

I would appreciate an advice very much, this problem is causing me real inner trouble. Thank you for spending time reading my post.

Hi.

Don't worry, many people have been in your situation, including myself in the past.

Some people are just "late bloomers".

Keep in mind that men probably haven't boldly approached you very often because you didn't seem like you wanted to be approached.

Most people give off a "vibe" the shows whether they are interested in meeting someone or not.

Also, many guys may have been subtly checking you out from accross the room, trying to get your attention, but you assumed they were looking at someone else or just being friendly.

My point is not that you have done anything wrong. Rather, my point is that you are probably much more attractive to many men than you think you are, and they don't come on to you because you don't show that you are interested.

Also, confidence is very attractive. If you don't have confidence, just fake it. Act like you are beautiful, and act like you are looking to meet someone. Don't be desparate or anything, but make eye contact with guys so that they will have a chance to flirt with you, and smile at them if you like them. It isn't hard.

After a while, the fake confidence will turn into real confidence, as you see that you get responses from men. You will also learn that if a guy doesn't like you back, it isn't the end of the world. It just means he has poor taste in women, and it's time to move on to the next guy!

Believe me, it works. If you act confident and try to be a bit more outgoing, you will see results. Look - you have already seen great results. You went out ONCE with your friends and some guy was totally into you.

So what if you didn't reciprocate? It's not the end of the world. Maybe his style was just a bit too strong for you. Or maybe it was too much attention after being closed off for so long. That's natural.

But there will be lots more guys, and slowly you will be less and less anxious, and the whole thing will be fun instead of stressful.

So don't worry. It is your time to bloom now.

Good luck!

Yo girl! You've made it to med, and that shows u ur a determined and intelligent person. Hopefully u realize ur one of the very few. So be confident!

Secondly, I propose a temporary solution. If nothing seems to work out, always try drinking. I'm trying to get to med school right now, and sometimes it's depressin. Drink beer, because it won't make u sick, but just feel a little better.

Hey,

Well...from a my(a guys perspective), we are quite intimidated by women who don't react to signals that we give off.

You really seem like a nice person and have alot going for you in life. You should be more confident when you go out. As much as some people diagree, personality and intelligence are really attractive to most guys.

I personally like girls who are quiet but can keep a good conversation going. so just hang in there. just cuz ya bombed the 1st time a guy approached you doesn't mean anything. nothing alittle more experience won't cure.

So next time ya go out. Just have fun...and maybe with enough confidence you will approach a guy.

Good luck!!

Quit selling yourself short I'm sure your very attractive. I'm a guy and I am extremely attracted to intelligent women with a good head on their shoulders. The best advice I could give you is to smile, for some reason I always find it very sexy and pleasant when I see a female smiling, just something about it.

I have to agree with what everyone has said here, as a guy in a similar position. I'm 21 and I realized several months ago that I'd never been out on a date...I just thought that it was because I'm nerd and that no one was really attracted to me. When I started asking my friends questions, it turns out that at least one of my good friends had had a crush on me for years. When I asked them about it, I was told that I appeared intimidating...I guess I just closed everyone off or something. Anyway, several months later, I've learned to open up and reciprocate a little bit, and while I still haven't found the unattached girl of my dreams, I am often told by women that I am "cute", "handsome", "funny", "charming", "would make a perfect boyfriend" (this from someone attached), and on occasion...get this...that I am "sexy." Who would have thought?! So never sell yourself short.