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Thread: In love or not?

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    North Carolina, Durham
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    66

    In love or not?

    Me and this guy met on the computer about 2 years ago. He lives in Tennessee(the next state over.. about 200 miles away) We became practically best friends over that course of time. We helped eachother with life and told eachother what we thought the other one should do when the other was having gf/bf issues. We told eachother everything..and I do mean everything. Somewhere along the way he told me he loved me.. and of course I told him I loved him. When I said it on the computer, I just said it because he did, even though at times I did feel like I knew him all my life. We recently started talking on the phone a couple months back, and he acts like hes so in love with me.. and I don't want to break his heart. Sometimes I feel like I couldn't live without him, but other times I think to myself.. what in the world am I doing? I want to tell him that I do love him. but I'm just not sure I love him the way he wants me to, or the way he loves me. I'm afraid If I tell him that I love him.. but I'm not sure if I'm "in love" with him he'll get mad.. because thats how he is. Everytime I try to tell him how I feel.. and be honest with him, he gets mad with me.. I just can't seem to say anything right. I don't know what to do...

  2. #2
    Member
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    Jan 2003
    Location
    California,USA
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    a good friend

    It sounds to me that this guy is someone that you hold dear to your heart...but as a friend. You two seem to have built a very strong frindshipa nd bond between you. This should be chereished. But the problem is that you think he loves you in a different way...
    first, telling someone you love them when you are friends is perfectly normal and natural. You do love them. They halp you out when you need it and make you feel better about things and are always there. I would see if when he says he loves you, how he means it. Don't ask him straight out because that may intimidate him. But next time he tells you he does, I would tell him what I have written above. Say you love him too and illustrate how much he does for you AS A FRIEND. tell him how much you appreciate him always being there for you and just keep reinforcing that thought over time. that he is a great friend to you. You are being incredibly nice by telling him this so there is no reason for him to get upset, he will most likely be flatterd. But at the same time, you are letting him know that a friendship is as far as it will go. Tell him how you don't want anything to ever interfere with your bond that you share. This should send him a clear message that he is valued by you but there is no romantic interest there. If he ever were to ask you to be in a romantic relationship, you have sent him enough signs and painted a picture for him that that is not what you want so when you decline, he is not surprised or angry. Just keep reinforcing how much his friendship means to you. It sounds very valuable to me and it should be chereished...good luck!

  3. #3
    Bronze Member bleeder's Avatar
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    Feb 2003
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    47
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    Cyber relationships are what I term as "relationships forged on reverse engineering". What do I mean?

    Normal relationships start off by meeting that person, then you proceed to the "getting to know you" stage. Cyber relationships, are a total opposite of that. You get to know that person, perhaps evenly pretty closely, without even seeing him or her prior. What does this say?

    It is rather unreal to me. Some folks can be comfortable with that, some folks don't. Meet up with him first (hopefully he ain't a weirdo of sorts), and cultivate it from there.

    The net is one very 'cold' form of media used for communicating with homo sapiens. Good luck!


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