Should I be friends with my ex finacee? Please Help

Ok, this is gonna be a long story, so brace yourselves. I met my ex girlfriend when we were both 17(I am 22 now). I was her first everything, and she was basically my first everything. She basically chased me for a year, then grew on me. We were in a committed relationship for 3 years, and lived together for half that time. I could tell in the year she chased me, she was one of the "good girls" out there. She was a virgin prior to me(actually only kissed two guys before me), wasn't into the party scene, and we both shared the same views on cheaters(we despised them). She was great to me, did everything for me, no matter what. I could have given this girl dirt, and she would have loved it...Now, I'm the first to admit, I wasnt perfect. Meaning I had my flaws, like my temper, and some immature jealousy issues, and I think I may have taken her for granted, but nothing I dont think anyone doesnt go through in their first relationship. I would say the first two years were pretty good. It's the third year that got somewhat difficult. We had our problems, but nothing I didnt think we couldnt get through, and we both still loved eachother very much. I honestly always thought we'd be together, I just didnt envison my life without her...We got engaged last Febuary, and I thought all was great...I thought we were on our way to the rest of our lives together, and got through that bumpy year. But after about 2 months of being engaged..she began to become distant(all this girl wanted our first 2 years together was to marry me). Finally, one night before bed, we had a little argument, and at my suggestion, I said she needed to get her head cleared, and spend some time at a friends. She agreed. I helped her back, and was 100% considerate to her needs. She told me to think of it as a mini vacation, and she thought she took me for granted. As she walked out, I said.."I have a feeling, if you leave, you're not coming back". She said that wasnt true. To try and make this story a little shorter, I'll cut some details out. But basically, she never came back, never returned my phone calls, and never gave me a reason why. After almost 4 years, gave me no reason why. Not to mention, did all this when the rent and bills were do. I also had to gibe up our dog, becuase he devolped severe sepration anxiety...I loved that dog so much. We both raised him, so I think it crushed him when she left. I had to move on with my life, without knowing what happened to a love I thought was so strong. I was dead inside. Then, a month and a half later, I found out the truth...she was cheating on me with a guy for months, and actually moved in with him. Mind you, this is the last girl you would ever think could some something like this. You would just have to know her to be as shocked as me. It turns out this was a guy from her job, and for about a year she was going to him with all our problems, and he played the whole "he doesnt deserve you" crap. It took me months to recover. I actually forgave her, and moved on with my life, and got over her(or at least convinced myself I was). We kept in touch through some emails, but nothing major. Then one day, she came into my job to say hi. It really didnt effect me at all, but I was glad to see her. Then, a few weeks after that, she began to IM me online, then call me. I must admit, talking to her was like food to my soul. But I didnt let that mess with my head, I was content being friends.

Then, she asked me out for lunch about a week ago, and she shows up waring MY engagement ring(mind you she is still with this guy, they just broke up for a little). We get caught up in everything, and we tell eachother we still love one another. Later that night on the phone she just lets it all out, telling me she regretted leaving me a month after she left, but was afraid I wouldnt take her back becuase she didnt think she ever deserved me for what she did. How every song makes her think of me. How she has never been anywhere close as in love with the guy she is with as she had with me. That she actually has never been in love with him. She even told me she regretted ever meeting this guy, becuase he came bewteen us. Then the next day, we go to lunch again. We are having a great day, almost like we're back together, holding hands, etc. It was like I was back in time. It felt like we were falling in love all over again. We even discussed if I could trust her again if we got back together(She brought it up)So then, as I go to drop her off, we hug, then I go to kiss her, and she kinda pulls away, saying she cant. And starts crying, saying shes all confused. Then later that night, after all this, get this. She tells me she thinks there isnt romance between us, becuase she said why else would she pull away from kissing me. I said I dont know, maybe you were scared. I'm sure you can understand I was p*ssed. I didnt yell at her, I just told her..."I was perfectly content in my life, I moved on from you, then you show back up, tell me all these things, then say there isnt any romance!?!"

We have agreed to be friends, yet I keep emailing her everyday saying we cant talk everyday...yet she keeps calling me..and like a fool, I answer. She's like a drug I need to stay away from, yet cant get enough of.

It's funny, I'm sure I know what you will say...that she is young, immature, and doesnt know what she wants. And maybe she even wants to keep me as a saftey net. Yet, I'm telling you, those days we spent together, you could feel it...it wasnt being faked on her part. It was like we were the only people there, yet we were in crowded rooms. I not just saying this becuase I am dillusional, I know this girl still has extreamly strong feelings for me, yet is not playing it like she is 100% content just being good friends.

Why do I love a girl so much, that in the end cause me so much pain and embarressment? And do you think she is lying about the romance being gone, just becuase she kinda pulled away from a kiss?

The thing that gets me, is I know I am a great guy. Not to come off cocky, but I have a great personlity, good looking, in shape, go to college, work, live on my own, and was loyal to the end to this girl. Yet, no matter who I meet, I compare them to her. No matter who I meet, all I want is her.

Should I cut her off 100% even though I do want her in my life to some degree? We have such a long history, and we are like two peas in a pod..we get along so good, and even as friends, we bring out so many positives in eachother. We are as compatible as they come....man, I'm just confused why this girl would come back in my life, and do this. I really just confused on how I should handle it from this point on.

I hope she doesnt come on here..cause this story is very detailed...she will know it's me, lol.

Just to tell You that well You are not alone...I was with my ex girlfriend for almost a year seriously 6 months and she always told how much she loves me that I'm all to her and one day cos I really wasn't so in to become fioncee so quickly ...she went out with my friend and... just dumped me...forget my birthday everything and before she promised everything...

Well I was really sad for a 3 months ...

Now my friend dumped her after 3 months ...she wants although never told to go back with me... I forgive her but I could not be sure in her anymore ...for me we can be friends at most nothing else...

Well my story is not profound as Yours but just to tell You that You are not alone...

P.S I like mx ex girlfriend friend now ... my ex is making problems to us but I still hope to make it something if You have any ideas about my post just under Yours please mail me .. Thanx

You know, I think this girl is right....she doesn't deserve you. She is putting you on an emotional rolloercoaster and that is not fair. I can see that you are so deeply in love with her and she seems to be taking advantage of that. I think you are right when you said she is using you as a safety net. It sounds like she is deeply in love with you as well, I think she got terrified that she found the right man so early in her life and she wasn't prepared. That is probably why she left. And she didn't give you a reason because she didn't know how to admit it to herself. I think she is being honest with you when she tells you she still has feelings for you and she wishes she had never left. That she could never love this new guy the way she loved you. You were very important to her. I woulnd't say she was "lying" about having no romance and that is why she didn't kiss you. I think she was afraid, like you said. I think she was scared that she would have a conflict of feelings and that she wasn't 100% sure of what she wanted. But she is taking you along on this ride. You are suffering frfom her indeciciveness. She is leading you to believe all sorts of things including that she is still in love with you and then turning around and denying it.

I would say that if she were to end things with this guy that she has realized her mistake and you could give her a second chance. But she doesn't sound ready to do that. If you are perfectly content with being friends then I would be as strong as you possibly can. Don't answer her all the time. Stick to your word when you say you cant talk everyday, don't let her bring you down. It is only showing her that you are vulnerable and she can take advantage of that, like she already has. I would limit yourself to talking to her only 2-3 times a week until you are comfortable to limit it to one. You sound like great friends so I wouldn't break things off completely. You say she is like a drug but if you want to be cured, you need to stay strong. You dont want to end up getting more hurt than you already are. I would even lay a little guilt on her. I think she deserves it. Tell her that she stole your heart and broke it and just when you began to heal, she wounds it again. Explain to her that you wont allow her to hurt you like she is and that is why you need to put distance between yourselves. Say that you dont want her to think you are being rude but this is what you have to do to stay happy. I hope everything works out for you!

Ok, Ok yah you can hate me and I wouldn't blame you one bit, Like I said I was that girl a few years ago and I will give you the truth unabrigded. No bullshit. The things that she is doing to you sounds alot like what I did. Same thing great guy but couldn't really commit. My thoughts are probably going to be jumbled because so many are running throught my head but just hang in there. I think, and yes, I am speaking from experience, she does care for you, she does love the time you guys spend together and you will probably be the best guys she will ever meet,only to kick herself in the rear end later in life. I can believe you are a great dude, you seem very sincere. In my opinion, from experience, she is all of the above but for some crazy reason you, I am sorry to say, she is looking for something else. Not meaning better, mind you. The reason why she keeps coming to you is because of the great conversations you share and the good times... heck it sounds like you guys are pratically best friends. She cheated on you once and because of the experience I am talking throught, she might do it again. I am sorry. I read alot of these responses of these websites and bless there hearts for the uplifting positive responses, but I call it like I see it. Also, she saying that she never called oyu because she was afraid of you not excpeting her back... I am a girl, that sounds like alot of b.s. I am only 24, only two years older than you so I don't think that there is a huge generation gap that might be fuzzing my response. I wouldn't recommend getting back together with her or even chating with her at all. Yah, sounds mean and cold hearted but this is what, I am even willing to bet money, will happen. You guys will get together for a very "friendly" lunch, then you guys will talk about the "good ole'times" and eventually and this to me seems natural, you start contemplating getting back together or "what if's start"occurring. During all this you might met an even better gal who will excpet and rejoice in the love that you give her. Also, she cheated on you once... do really think that she respects you or values your love, probably not. Move on my friend and yah, call me a b*tch, but drop her like a bad habit. If you keep chatting with her no matter how plutonic it might be... you guys where friend then loversa nd of course engaged to each other, I doubt that can be reversed. She is looking for something else in a realtionship. I applaud you for being a real gentleman to her, since you where her first boyfriend. Meet other gals and even sow your oats if you want. Enjoy like and don't waste your time with her.

The truth in my opinion,

Jenny

Find out what her intentions are and what she is looking for. If they are not the same as your intentions or you don't possess what she is looking for, get out. If she still doesn't know what she wants don't sit around to find out. She has had plenty of time to think about it. Don't be strung along like the Donkey to the carrot. If it's just friends she wants keep it at that. People can change, but I believe only a small percentage of the population have the will power to do it. So it is pretty likely that she would cheat on you again or hurt you another way. It sounds like she is using you as someone that can make her feel better about herself, but at your expense. However, only you will know...at this point it's in your best interests to relearn who she really is. To be honest is doesn't sound like she knows who she is. Do not get involved on a intimate level until you know. I personally wouldn't get involved with her in any way, but it's different with everyone. DO NOT let your guard down what ever you do. Good luck

Thanks for all the responses. I made my decison, and it was tough. I just went to see her after she got off work, and I just told her the truth. That I still care for her deeply, which means, at this point in time, we can't be friends. It would only be making the pain worse, and prolonged if I pretended to only want her as a friend. I told her seeing eachother is done, as is talking on the phone. I wasnt mean about it, I just told her I have a life to live, and right now I can't live it with her in it.

I love that girl to death...I always will, but she just doesnt know what she wants right now, and for that matter, anytime soon. I hope I did the right thing....beceause it makes me sad to know I wont be seeing or talking to her anytime soon.

Well..she called me today to tell me she loves me, and wants to spend VDay with me....GOD, I dont know what to do!

Ah man, think about...Valentines day. The one day of the year everyone would like to be with someone. She sounds like she is just reacting because she now feels alone. How many times has she done this, bouced back when you try to distance yourself? To me it sounds like she is still just giving you enough to keep you hanging. You need to have a TALK, I mean a real long one with this girl. If it was ME, I would say break it off for half a year or more and see how you two feel then.