Guilt & Anger

Hi!

I recently ended a three year relationship with a man I loved (and still love) very deeply. We were planning to get married and even bought an apartment together.

A certain situation arose and I could no longer remain in the relationship. It was a difficult decision to make and I felt torn between staying with the man I love and being miserable, or breaking away from the situation and being lonely and heartbroken. The latter prevailed and I finally ended what was a perfect relationship.

We were both devestated, but I later discovered that he was more devestated than I. I was willing to take things day by day and try to move on, with the slight hope that in the future when things had changed that we could possibly get back together.

However, several days ago he was found after trying to take his own life. He didnt die, but was close to it and he says that the reason he did it was because he could not live without me.

I am deeply wounded and hurt, not to mention traumatised by what has happened and I am so angry with him for the pain that he has caused. Obviously, he has serious internal pain and issues that need to be dealt with professionaly, but he seems to think that he has finally proven how much he loves me by what he did.

He says that it proves how deep his love can go and that he would rather be dead than try to exist in this world without me.

How can I cope with this emotional blackmail and threatening mechanisms that he is excercising with the hopes that Ill get back with him? It is difficult to let go of someone who you spend so much of your life with and loved so deeply but I feel that things are getting out of hand.

He is now out of hospital and says that he will only try to "get better" if he knows that I will be there for him all the way.

I cant make this promise to him because after what he has out me through, I dont think I could ever trust him again.

When is it safe to let go and when will I stop loving this man whom I also hate at the same time??

Please advise.

Thank you.

Angel80.

trying to kill himself, wasnt for you, he was unhappy all around, and he used the excuse (i did it for u) so that you would feel pitty on him. if you love him, than be with him, i fight with my boyfriend all the time about stupid stuff, we have been together for a year and 4 months and we still argue but we call eachother up like aww sorry NE WAY... we get over it real quick these days... look... you shouldnt be with someone who wants to kill themself, because if you think about it... he is killing himself and taking himself away from you, thats not gonna heal anything but make matters worse... its making him be away from you, but this time...FOREVER! i think you guys should try it out one more time, dont mention nothing about him trying to kill himself POSITIVE, dont say anything negative either, just be like wow you shouldnt do that to yourself, because the more you baby him, the more hell do other things to him or you that will get your attention and so forth... sorry if i was of any help, i wasnt trying to be mean but i had a friend with the same situation. and it turned out great after they gave it a 2nd chance! But everyones Different!!

Thank you for your reply.

The advise you gave is good, although I really dont think I could give it another try. The fear of it happening again is too strong and the terrible thing is that if he is capable of doing that to himself, imagine what else he might be capable of. I know that's a terrible thing to say, but its true.

You are actually right that he had trouble all round. He had a very troubled upbringing and even though he is in his thirties now, it has scarred him for life.

Thank you again and good luck in your relationship!!!

Angel80.

What a burden for him to put on you. I agree with jessro6 in that he did this probably for your pity, it is an extreme measure but I think he wants to be with you so badly that he is willing to do such a thing and he hopes you will be with him because you are sorry. That is not a healthy reason to be with someone and a healthy realtionship cannot be based on that. I think you can help him though. I don't know what the situation is or why things ended, but I can understand how you can still love him but hate him for how he hurt you. My advice to you is to help him seek psychological help. He is severely depressed, even if what he did was for attention. I would look into who he could go to counseling with. I would advise you to look for a psychiatrist rather than a psychologist. If he is on medication, there is a highchance that he won't try this again. I think this is a good way to show him that you still care about him but that you can't stay with him and he gets the help he needs as well. good luck

Taking ones life is a very serious decision to embark on.

Many thoughts of wonderment would cross a persons mind to attempt such a act. What you should consider now, will he use that to try and trap you in the relationship.

If you have true love for the man then make another strong attempt. Go with him to counseling and make the best effort you both can make.

Either way think this through and take your time.

Good luck to you.