Definitely a confusing situation...

I have been involved with my now ex for four and a half years, and we have been dating for three. We broke up two weeks ago, on New Year's eve because we are going to different colleges and rarely got to see each other during the semester, a problem which has taken a toll on the relationship. There are other problems, of course, but that was the big one. Now, we have both acknowledged to each other that we still love each other immensely and don't want this to be completely over with, but that we can't share a relationship until the distance is no longer an issue (ie, when we both graduate, and I'm a freshman and he's a sophomore). So, last night as we were talking online, as we usually do as if nothing had changed between us, we made a decision to continue with each of us knowing that the other still cares. We flirt a lot and our conversations have almost improved now that we're no longer together. He wants me to come visit him (he's living on campus right now) before winter break ends, and I'm sure it will probably end in some kind of intimacy, most likely sex. It's as if we're together but we're not. We're allowed to see other people but also see each other as well. We seem to have an open relationship, although we've never actually officially said that we're back in a relationship, but we certainly seem to have one. I have believed ever since I met him that we're meant to be together (he was 15 and I was 14 when we first got involved, so this is part of the reason why this is so difficult). I miss him immensely and I want to see him and never lose what we had, but I'm afraid that it will just end in more pain. I probably need to get out and date around, but my heart is still fixiated on him, as it feels like it always will be. What should I do? Should I visit him? Should I just end all contact with him and try to move on or should I hold on to what we have and see if it lasts? Either way seems extremely painful, and this is all so overwhelming...

Your situation is pretty hard to deal with, I must admit. I'm sure this is hard for you to end such a bonded relatioship with someone whom you have shared so much with. I think that since the two of you have invested so much energy into eachother and care so deeply about eachother that you should keep all doors open. who knows what could happen? Don't limit yourself to only eachother because you would be closing other doors by doing that. You may meet someone who sweeps you off your feet. And don't break contact because if he is the one who sweeps you off your feet then you should stay on good terms with him. I don't see a problem keeping your eyes and ears open for other opportunies and being able to enjoy eachother whenever you have the chance. A problem only resides if one or the other get into a somewhat committed relationship, you need to have an understanding that if that were to happen, the other one wouldn't interfere. Good luck!

Hi,

I am not quite sure if I would follow Mermayd with this. I believe it would be a good idea to stick together, even though you're so far apart. You have been together for four years and more, so why give it up? Just because of distance? That's just temporal and yes you can overcome distance by visiting each other.

You seem to connect so well to each other. You seem to relate to each other so well, too. There is so much chemistry. I would say: "Visit and hang on to each other." I can fully understand that the distance is difficult, but true love prevails. I can also fully understand the risk of things not working out after all. Yes, that is a risk, but every relations has risks. No matter what. I would advise: try to make it happen!

Good luck!

~ SwingFox ~

At this point in your relationship with this man you are faced with a very delicate decision to make.

Before you step away from this relationship. Make one last strong attempt to make it work. Dating others will only lead to another relationship which will destroy the chances of ever reuniting your love.

Make one last chance to work things out. Be positive and good luck to you.