Push and Pull

I met someone, abt a year ago thru work but didnt start feeling feelings for him until late last year. We are sweet on each other, talking abt missing each other all the time (he says things like "I miss you - I miss you from when we first met!" - is this just normal talk?), we call each other pet names. We have briefly held hands too. But we dont live in the same country. He is 8 hours away. Anyhow, sometime back, we had a very playful and passionate (not sexual) chat. And he playfully asked if i liked him and i freaked out coz i was tired and i wasnt ready, so I beat abt the bush. then he totally caught me on and said it was obvious I was jealous abt him and this other woman he was supposedly having a thing with. Then he also said if he liked someone he would take chances. Which I took to interpret that if he really liked me, he wld have done something abt it a long time ago.

I guess somehow pride got in the way and the next day I sent him an email "clarifying things" saying we dont have feelings for each other, right? He says, yes that is true. Then I regretted and I wrote back apologizing that i was in a highly defensive mood when I wrote that coz I can be so full of contradictions sometimes...." (now at this pt, I will gladly hand out heads of lettuces that you guys can smack my neurotic head with)

Anyhow, we continued with the email, and during another online chat, we expressed a desire to see each other again, and wondered how we could with the little $ we had. he said he was going to London, and would like to see me there. Some days later, I flew there to see him. We shared a room (not a bed) for one night and nothing happened; except for one occasion where I was mad at him coz we hardly saw each other. I told him I didnt want to talk to him right now (coz I was just so tired of it all)and he got upset and pleaded with me to continue talking. I did.

After London, some weird unknown dude emailed him saying the two of us should talk abt our unspoken feelings for each other. He replied that unknown dude saying he didnt feel that way abt me but it I did I should tell him so.

Basically, I am bad at expressing my feelings for guys. I fly into a panic, I overcompensate, I think too much.

Should I tell him how I feel? Why would I? Considering the distance, his denial of his feelings, etc. *IF* I already know things are not going to work out, what would be the point of it? Just to unload and have him reject me?

Does he or does he not like me?

Any feedback will be great. I am so tired of second-guessing and really need help.

Thanks so much!!

I think in your heart you already know what exactly you need to do. If you want to hear the words from someone else, here they are:

Please, sit down first write down all the feelings you might and might not have for this guy. Write down the way he makes you feel when you talk on-line and on the phone. Write down what you felt when you meeted. Make a rough plan on how to get together, if you feel you want to give it a try. Are you gonna move? Is he gonna move? What are the (dis-)advantages of either way? Last but not least: if you still have open ends and/or questions for him, write them down and ask those questions next time you talk on the phone.

If you have that worked out, sit down and talk! Yes, talk! The only way you can find out how both of you feel is by communicate. Communication leads to a better understanding. I know it's hard for you, but you do need to express your feelings towards him. It will be easier for you this time, because you have them all on paper and you have all questions YOU had on your part answered (i.e. you thought them over while writing them down).

I hope this was of help and wish you good luck on your work.

~ SwingFox ~