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Thread: should i or shouldn't i break up with her

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    New York

    should i or shouldn't i break up with her

    i've been seeing this girl for nearly three years. at the beginning she was a godsend -- came along at a time when i really needed someone who understood some very specific things i was going through (vague enough for you?) she did understand and she was very accomodating. Also, she had gone through a bad break-up and had a lot of family problems, which i know i've been able to help her with. so, ya know, very mutually beneficial relationship.

    the thing is that lately she talks about marriage, she talks about knowing i'm the one and i do not feel the same way. there is almost nothing i can say that is bad about her, but what kind of relationship is that, right?

    i've been agonizing over this for a few months now. i keep flip-flopping. what if i'm just not being honest with myself and I DO want to marry her? or what if i'm wasting her time and mine with this flip-flopping?

    the bottom line is -- i'm trying to think this through clearly and it's become darn near impossible. if anyone has any nifty trick questions that could give me a new perspective on this situation, i'd sure appreciate it.

  2. #2
    Member Shy_Guy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Nifty trick question? Not a real good way to judge your relationship but, let me lob one at you. The two of you are on a subway platform waiting for a train. You see a drunken man staggering towards the two of you when you notice the train rounding the bend and will be at the station in about 10 seconds. The drunk lurches suddenly and crashes into your girlfriend, knocking her off the platform and onto the tracks. You see the train bearing down on her. Will you jump down to try to help her, knowing that if you do nothing, she's dead, and at best, by helping her, you could throw her clear but there's a 90 % chance you'll be killed. What will you do?

    If you're unwilling to risk your life to save her, get out of the relationship, now. If you can't live beyond yourself, you don't deserve her, and likewise, she you, if the situation were reversed. Decide and go forward, either way. It'll hurt if you break up, but much less than living a lie for the next fifty years.

    Good luck!

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Canberra, Australia

    Mate, I don't know how much help I'm gonna be because by the sound of it I'm in a very similar situation. It's been raking accross my head for sometime if I should let my relationship of 2 and a half years go because quite frankly I can't see myself getting married and don't want to waste someone elses time that is special to me even. It's kust that over time people and situations do change. That's a fact. In fact, I actually typed in google search "girlfriend breakup" and yours was the 2nd one that came up. Well enough of me. Time to be hypocritical.

    OK, by the sound of it you really do care about this girl. I think there are specific people for a time. Perhaps 3 years ago you were right for each other because of what was going on in each others life and that it all seemed perfect. You have to ask yourself why you feel different now. Let me ask you this bro - what was it that attracted you to her in the first place and do you still feel it today? Do you see yourself getting married oneday (not specifically to your partner, but anyone)? Because I know the M word scares the hell out of me. Men are always bagged out for lack of committment, but I don't think that's the whole truth. We are just afraid of not just screwing up our own lives but someone elses.

    Anyway, your partner is placing alot of pressuere on you to ask about marriage. And you shouldn't have to feel this pressure. You treat her good right. You do all the right things, Yet you still feel pressured and somewhat guilty. If marriage wasn't mentioned would you be stoked with your relationship - because men don't look as far ahead as women. We have a 50% divorce rate in this country - and I know yours in the US is similar - how much pressure is that.

    Look there's no way I'm gonna tell you what to do but eventually it will come to a point. I think you have to weigh it all up. If you are happy together now and she stimulates you than why can't you be happy together in 20 years. If you're not and holes are appearing than can you give and comprimise to fix these things. If you are not willing than perhaps it just wasn't meant to be, and you should not feel guilty. It is your own life and we only learn from mistakes and experience.

    Hope this help a little.



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