Unwanted Pain Still Lingers ........ NEED HELP!!!

I will make this as short as possible because if it's long, no one will read it. Anyway, I'm a freshman in college. The first semester hasn't been that easy. A month in to school my girlfriend and i broke up. We broke up because we were 3000 miles away from each other. Now to anyone reading this, you might think I am crazy to make that long distance of a relationship work. I wanted to, she didn't. I told her the last thing I wanted to do was to keep her from being herself. I told her that because I loved her so so much. This happened at th end of September 2002. If you would let me rewind a couple months back, You would be able to us as very happy and very in love. Although we were only together for 4 months our relationship progressed extremely quickly. We did everything together and were together always. She was my best friend and we were virtually identical.

Our relationship was very very mature for two 18 years olds to have and mantain. We never faught or agruged, we just had a good time. When we left for school her mom called me and thanked me for being so nice and kind to daughter. I was amazed she did that. We broke up a month after that. I was crushed because there was nothing i could to save this amazing bond we had.

I rarely talked to her until i saw her at thanksgiving we were at a friends house and we sat down to talk. She virtually a different person, she was cold and harsh, but for no reason. When we broke up she said she was scared she wasn't going to find another guy like me, i asked her if she meant that and she said yes, then i asked her if she still felt that way, she said "do you want my honest answer" i said yes, she then looked me into the eyes like she did so many times before with such loving tenderness, but this time with such coldness and said, "no". she asked if i had been on any dates and i said no, i am not ready, i asked her the same thing, she then said with the same coldness, "i've moved on". I sat there for an hour and a half with the girl i was still madly in love with and watch her become this different person. two weeks later i get am email from her saying she was sorry for how she acted towards me, but everything she said was how she felt. She then went on to tell me, be myself, and get involved in things and how i don't need her or anyone to be myself. I don't know who she has become, but it hasn't been for the best. It has been 4 months since we broke up and I still think about her a lot and want to know how she is doing, I still care about her and I am not jelious if she is seeing someone, i want her to be happy. I had this image in my head of her being my best friend if we broke up but to send me an email telling me what to with my life after the fact it was over and the way she sat there and disrespected me like that,as if i was some guy she meet in a bar 5 minutes prior instead of respecting our relationship and our friendship that we had. What happened to just loving and caring about someone and wanted then in your life. The pain still lingers because if someone who you care and love so much is in your life one minute and not the next, it's bizarre. How do i get rid of the pain??? I guess thats all of it, thanks for reading....

It is hard for me to believe any girl could be this way and it be the truth. It sounds like she blames you for her heartache and that she has some issues with see you leaving to school as abandoning her. If you truly want to be a friend then you can send her a card and wish her well and invite her to email you if she ever feels like she needs anyone to talk to. But, I have my doubts that you would be happy being just friends and that you are not jealous that she is seeing other guys. That is what we tend to tell ourselves and others so that we can have the hopes and the option of staying in our ex's lives and maybe get back together. Wishing you good luck and hope that you see better times soon!

thats an interesting perspective you have on it, and I would like to believe that was the reason why she was so cold to me, but I dont' think it's it. When I left her only 4 months ago, she was the sweetest girl I had ever met, and she made me so happy becauseI loved her so much. She was a great girl.

I think it was when she got to school she realized that it would be to hard to mantain relationship all the way accross the country. I admit that it's a huge task to ask someone to participate in. I guess i can say she tried and thats all I can ask, but it hurts to think she didn't love me enough to stick it out. This was my first true love and relationship, and what a true love it was. I gave her everything I had for 4 months and i am proud of that, but I wish she would reflect a little and realize just how great it was and the fact that no guy will treat her and respect her and especially love her like like i did. When I talked to her thanksgiving and when I got that email from her, it was as if she was talking down to me like I was some 5th grader getting a crush on a 8th grader and she was letting me down easy.

The lack of respect for me made me take a step back and look at the person she has become and it makes me feel like I don't want to be her friend. I am definitely a lot better then I was 3 months ago, but whenever I am home just hanging out I can't help but let her go through my head and think about the good times we had and wish we can have them again. We are only 20 minutes away as opppose to 3000 miles now.

I feel like I lost my best friend, like a part of me died. She said in her email she was sorry for how she talked to me and how she felt like it wasn't her talking. Well who was talking, and how I do get the old one back. She is seeing someone else now, i know that for a fact, I wonder if her mom will call him as well and thank him for being so kind and nice to her daughter, I never thought it would come to this, ever.......

Obviously something is going on to make her be this way and she isn't telling you what. Maybe it is a friend telling her to treat you this way, or sometimes people treat people this way to leave no doubt that they are unwelcome in their lives. I sure hope that you can move on and find the right girl who really deserves your admiration and devotion. I know it is hard to think that she could be a totally different person than the one you loved but it can happen. All you can do is leave her alone and maybe she will realize that she had a good thing. Just be a friend and have an open ear and warm heart. Keep your chin up.... you will get through this and be happy once again. Take care of yourself first!