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Thread: How to genly reject a guy?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2003

    How to genly reject a guy?

    I am friends with this really cool guy who wants to be more than just friends with me. And few weeks ago things got a bit complicated, he told me that he really likes me and would want to be with me, the problem is that I like him only as a friend and simply don't see myself being in a relationship with him. But I didn't tell him that since I don't want to hurt his feelings so I said that I am not looking for a boyfriend and I am happy being single, the only problem is that not long ago I got really drunk and kissed him which was a really big mistake. But because of it he keeps on hoping that something is gonna come out of it. Lately he asked me out on a date and I don't want to go out with him because I dont want to be with him. I dont even like to spend that much time with him anymore since whenever we are together he starts talking about how great and beautiful he thinks i am. Even some of his mates told me to do something about the situation because they think I am playing with his feeling. How do i gently tell him that me and him are just not gonna happen, and because wer are good mates i want to remain friends?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2003

    i know exactly what you mean

    i'm a guy. and i've had this happen to me plenty of times. my general idea is that i want to be friends with someone before considering a serious relationship, which is just a bad idea cuz i always get stuck in the friend zone, but i like to know someone well and know that i can trust them and get along (it's a defense mechanism of sorts).

    but to answer your question, the best way to tell a guy that you're not interested is to be perfectly honest with him. if you try to work around it, things will just get more awkward. so there isn't much to lose. you have to hope that he's reasonable enough to be able to accept the let down and handle being friends without letting it get awkward. tell him that it was nice of him to say all these nice things about you, but it makes you feel kinda weird. if you really want to be friends with this guy, the best way is to just come out with the truth, which is always tough to deal with, but it'll turn out better in the long run.

    my question to you is... why would you have kissed him if you don't have an interest?

    and also, make sure to be gentle about saying what you feel. don't call him a weirdo or a freak for having hopes of something happening. if anything, be apologetic - basically, try not to embarrass him so that he won't be afraid to continue this friendship.

  3. #3
    brando's lovechild
    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    jess how do you get drunk and kiss this guy ? no only kidding ! tell him to get a grip..what a loser..ha ha ha ah ha ha ah ahhha ha

  4. #4
    Member owlman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    USA (South East)
    Not sure where Brando's Lovechild was going with that one...
    I think you need to just sit down with the guy and explain your feelings, especially now that you have kissed. However, you should not say that you regret kissing him, or anything like that, 'cause that would be like adding insult to injury.
    Telling a guy who is interested in you that you are not interested in him will be awkward and will hurt his feelings, yes. But you 2 need to clear the air and get your feelings, or lack of, out in the open. I was recently in a similar situation, and while it did hurt to find out that my friend didn't share the feelings I did, I felt better afterwards, finally knowing for sure.
    Best of luck to you.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jul 2003


    hey jess.

    Your situation basically sounds identical to mine. I'am a boy in the same shoes as your friend. We met we hung out we even hold hands and cuddle and talk for ages, we have a laugh. we got drunk one night she kissed me i kissed her back. she tells me she doesn't like me but likes me as a friend..

    monday night my friend told me that she didn't want me as a boyfriend.. she said she really likes me but doesn't see me as a boyfriend and enjoys my company.. basically "thanks but no thanks".

    you will hurt the boy alot, yes you will but he needs to be told. i was told on monday and i'am hurting alot but it's the best way. I admire my friend for telling me, She hugged me and said sorry.. you need to tell him asap.

    hey you guys could still be friends, My friend and I are going out for a drink tomorrow night..

  6. #6
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Tell your friend:

    "I am flattered, but I would rather stay friends. I think you are a great guy, but I would only get hurt.....Your penis is too large for me, and it would hurt if it got serious."

    You friend should be a-ok

  7. #7
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    A subtle, yet honest approach would be:

    "You're really good to me, sorta like a big brotha. Thanks!" Play it off and act like what he said in the past never happened. Then back away.

    As for wanting to remain friends? If I were in your shoes, I would back away from him a bit, because to me, it would be unfair to string him along "knowing" that he's got feelings for me and I don't. No doubt, I would miss the attention, but it just wouldn't feel right to me. It wouldn't be right for him, nor for his prospective gf(s) either.

    If he does end up finding a gf, for sure, out of courtessy and respect for her and their realtionship, I would seriously back away, for good!

  8. #8
    Gold Member eleanorrigby1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    getting drunk and snogging, it happens! its life.

    Its horrible when a friend wants more, I have had this happen and unfortunately I have lost those friends. It isnt fair, but then it isnt fair on them either.

    I think the longer you resist telling him your true feelings the more he or those around him will perceive this as 'playing with his feelings' its horible to feel like the 'b*tch' in these situations when we know we havent done anything wrong.

    you need to tell him that are afraid to lose his friendship because he is such a cool guy but that from the beginning you never had any ideas about him being anything else, you are sorry but thats the way it is and it isnt liable to change. if he continues making you feel uncomfortable ask him "Do you think we can be just friends? or is this awkward/hard for you?" let him know that his continuing to try and get you is making you feel uncomfortable.

    Be prepared to risk lose his friendship.

  9. #9
    Member brokenpogostick's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    It's always tough to tell a good friend that you aren't interested in anything more. This is the story of my life. I've passed up many guys that have been good friends for jerks. I regret some of those. Good friends are usually the guys that you know the best. You've seen them through their good times & bad. You've seen how they act when they're not trying to impress you. You know what they're temperment is.

    If he's truly your friend, you won't lose his friendship, he will respect your decision. My best friend is a guy that wanted more and like a fool, i told him no. he is a great guy and i messed up by passing him by. But he knows me better than anyone and i know that he still cares as much for me today as he did when we first started hanging out.

  10. #10
    Gold Member Iakasot's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    You can't. He has every right to not want to be friends with you anymore.


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