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Thread: friends with the ex

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2003

    friends with the ex

    Im living with my nondefined boyfriend. We have a great relationship, but I have trust issues. He is still very close with his ex, who we all know would take him back in a heartbeat, and they hang out 2 nights a week. He also has another female friend that would do jsut about anything to be with him. While I trust when he tells me he is not into them like that, I dont trust them, and then I have concerns about this "nice guy"'s ability to say no, for fear of hurting their feelings. He stresses to me that he is not into them for anything more than friends and swears they understand this, however, the one chick even sent him nude pics of himself, which he saved in a folder. I dont get it. I am all for keeping friends regardless of gender (I have many more guy friends than girls) but how do I deal? Anytime I mention anything, he flys of the handle yelling about how much I dont trust him, blah blah blah. Its just weird. Any suggestions that dont make me seem like a psychotic freak? Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jan 2003

    Not so strange...

    In my opinion your reaction is quite normal. Thank God every person in this world is somewhat different. That makes everyone of us unique.

    The key to your answer is to decide what YOU want in a relation and what you do NOT want in a relation. You have to set your own borders in a relation, as in: "this is what I do allow", but also: "this is what I don't allow". There are people out there that do not mind their partners cheating on them. Some of them are even bi-sexual. That is their opinion. You have yours.

    Obviously you do not feel comfortable over the situation your partner brings you in. You do not trust him. You feel very uncomfortable that your partner has nude pics of his friends. I suggest you let him know how you feel over that. It doesn't say that you don't trust him, but it DOES say that you feel very uncomfortable with it.

    Last, but not least. If you talk to your partner. Try to talk in terms of explanation. To take your example of the nude pics again, you can approach him in two ways:

    1) "You are keeping nude pictures of your friends, thus it looks like you are cheating on me"

    2) "I feel very uncomfortable over the nude pictures of your lady friend, you are keeping, because it feels like that nudity is not special to you."

    In the second approach you simply tell him how you feel, without 'blaming' him or 'accusing' him of something. That communicates better than talking in the 'you'-form.

    I hope this was of help for you. Good luck in your relation.

    ~ SwingFox ~


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