Can I trust my boyfriend? Please help

Hi ,

I have been dating this guy for 3 months and he has introduced me to his whole entire family ( Something he has never done before) and we have said our I love yous. The problem is in his last relationship which was 3 years ago he cheated on his girfriend. When I asked him why he did such a thing he said it was because he wanted her to call him on it. she never confronted him even when he treated her badly. well he eventually broke up with her. When I asked him why he went through it in such a manner he says he doesn't know and it was 3 years ago and he was young ( he's now 33). Knowing this makes me distrust him. i am always afraid he will do this to me so I am overcompensating by calling him on everything just to check and see if he's doing the same thing with me and we get into arguments which make me look insecure which I am and for good reasons I believe. I believe he really loves me but if I don't stop being so negative his love will dwindle. What do I do and can I really trust him?

The real question I have here is not not with his past, but what he has done, if anything, to YOU that would make you question his commitment to you. To have a heightened sense regarding this issue is fine, to be actively checking up on him is excessive. You are certainly, positively, absolutely going to drive him away by doing what you are doing. If you realize it, he probably has already recognized it as well. You need to lay off. While I don't necessarily buy his reasoning that three years ago, at the age of 30 that he was 'young', everyone matures at their own rate. If you can't see yourself giving him the benefit of the doubt, then you shouldn't be in the relationship, because there will always be this unspoken wedge between you. The most difficult thing to really have in any relationship is TRUST. It's also the number one reason why relationships end, from the LACK of trust.

A strong, committed, mutually fulfilling relationship requires hard work, trust, and open, frank communication. I think if you AND he can give these things to each other, then there will be no need to constantly scurrying around checking up on him.

Good Luck

I agree with shy_guy. Trust is what makes things go and open communication will do the rest. I like the way your b/f has been open over things. That should give you some clues. Probably he told you this, because he doesn't want to hide his past from you, because he is very much into and involved in you. I would call for the benefit of the doubt, too.

I do agree with Shy Guy that you ARE going to give him the benefit of the doubt. If you are not, may be it would be wise to let him go, to avoid feelings being hurt badly. However, there is another way, too. Should you feel uncomfortable with something or should you feel insecure, tell him and explain your feelings to him, without 'blaming him'. In other words, if something comes up, tell him: "Hey sweetie, I feel insecure over something that happened recently. Could you please help me with this?" and then explain what EXACTLY made you feel this way. If he loves you that much, he's willing to explain.

Good luck to you! Should you have any questions: lemme know.

~ SwingFox ~