i just want to be friends thing gets thrown in my face

Hi

Well this is gonna be long but bear with me!!

About six months ago i met this guy, and i thought he was just really nice and i managed to get his mobile number and we were smsing each other for a fair while, getting to know each other better. Anyway in this time, we both admitted that we had feelings for each other, and we ended up getting together, and on the same night he told me that he thought we should just be friends because of his job and it would be too hard to pursue anything coz he didnt want to hurt me.

Anyway after we got together, we didnt speak for like a month. And when we finally did speak, we had a huge fight, and he said to me that he didnt like me how i liked him, but i said to him where the hell did this come from, why did u get with me then? Anyway the next day we just agreed to be friends.

So thats what i thought we were, but then the situation went exactly back to what it was like before we had the fight. We were smsing each other basically every day, 20 msgs a day sometimes. He said he was coming up to see me on saturday, and then i didnt hear from him which i thought was a bit weird. So i msgd him and he was like oh what has such and such said to you lately? And i said she hasnt said anything, but he said well i like you as a friend but nothing more. And i said well thanks a lot for leading me on again and screwing me over, as in the meantime, a few weeks ago he told a friend of mine that he never meant to hurt me in the first place and that we were taking things slow!!! What the hell is that? So i asked him and he was just like whatever. And then he threw all this stuff at me, saying he didnt really want to get with me and all this, and i said well why did it happen and why did it happen more than once? And the msgs he's sending me any girl would think they meant more. Everyone around thought we were together, as in boyfriend girlfriend, and all my friends were like god can he be anymore obsessed by you. And just when i think i'm getting somewhere with him the whole i just want to be friends thing gets thrown in my face.

I am willing to be just friends wit him though coz i dont wanna lose our friendship, but i just dont understand him. Then i start to doubt myself and think oh maybe i'm reading too much into those msgs and stuff and i say this to my closest friends, and they're all like no way if a guy was sending those msgs to me i'd be thinking the same thing. Now we're not talking, and i msgd him yesterday saying i just want to be friends, but i havent heard back which isnt the best sign in the world.

Its just really upsetting me, coz he does mean a lot to me, and when we havent spoken for just like three days since the fight it feels like forever and i cant stop thinking about him

I know some people might look at this and think oh yeh he's a player but seriously its a whole lot more complicated than that. if anyone has anything worthwhile to say please leave me a msg coz i would really like some advice.

Thanx

Emma

Emma,

Something's going on with him, of that there's no doubt. He very well may be a 'player', or perhaps he's just one of those types who simply doesn't want to be pinned down with any one person. Unfortunately, the messaging back and forth probably never really conveyed this.

When you are referring to 'everyone' assuming you and he were boyfriend/girlfriend, do you all of YOUR friends and the people in your 'sphere' or his too? I'll bet it's more the former rather than the latter.

This won't help the hurt, pain and confusion you're feeling at all, but I guess the real question I have for YOU is: Do you really want to be deeply and emotionally involved with someone who can so easily disregard any feelings you have? I know I'd never be a doormat for someone like him. You deserve someone who wants only the best for you, who treats you with the respect you deserve.

If you want to pursue being 'friends', I hope you do it for the right reasons. Being a 'friend' with the ulterior motive of going further than that probably won't work, and you'll get hurt again in the process. You need to look deep inside yourself and ask 'what does he bring to the table?. What am 'I' looking for? What needs do I have? Will he REALLY be there for me?" If you can answer all of these questions positively, then he's the guy. If not, let him go. I'm sure there's someone who has your best interests at heart, rather than just his own..

Good Luck!