To Meet or Not to Meet

Hi everybody,

I'd like some advice regarding an online friend who I've known for the past two months. I'm a happily married woman with a new baby, who's also a writer. I am often awake late at night, and was in a chat room where I encountered this person. He is also happily married and is a fellow writer. He lives almost 1,500 miles away. We've had a great time conversing over the past few months.

90% of our conversations are completely acceptable for public consumption. The other 10% has been flirting, but with a very clear understanding that neither of us is interested in anything other than a friendship. We have talked on the phone twice. The conversations were very G rated, just friendly chats. Neither of our spouses is aware that we visit chat rooms or of this friendship.

Sorry for all the background, but I wanted to give you a clear picture of where I stand with this online relationship. The man just found out he may be traveling in my state next year, and has suggested we meet. I'm trying to decide whether this is a good idea under any circumstances. I would observe the following precautions if we did meet:

Get his full name and do a background check at least a month before meeting.
Meet in a very public place during the day.
Reiterate beforehand that this a friendly, not romantic meeting.
Not get into a car alone with him.
Let people know where I was going and what my plans were.

So. Is it worth it? Should I even consider doing this? I am, of course, curious to meet this person IN person. Any advice would be appreciated.

Anna

I would boil this down to a simple equation:

Are you comfortable telling your spouse about this meeting before it occurs? Is he?

If either one of you can't answer this with a 'yes', then you're meeting for the wrong reasons.

You're both professing that this is just a 'g' rated 'friendship' , but let's face real facts here - any clandestine meeting by it's nature implies a more.....unsavory motivation.....

Hope you make a choice that you can live with - just remember there's more than just YOU to think about.

Good luck

Shy,

I think you're right, and I think it's best not to meet. Sad, in one way, but respectful, and responsible, to the people I love.

Anna

i half to agree with shy.i have just recently found out that my girlfriend chats with other men online as well.no big deal?then why would she deny that she has any chat buddies or men for as long as we have been together?and what are her motives?is she putting out feelers?these guys have sent her there pics,she has them in a downloaded program file.some of them are very geeky looking guys,that she knows everything about.(no problem).but there was one guy who was goodlooking,and he sent her 3 pictures of him in his underware.she admits that she thinks that he is good looking,and that he asked her to come over,but she says that she didnt like his approach.yet the pictures he sent didnt offened her,and she cant remember where he livbes?but it is obviously close,since he asked her to come over right?ofcourse she says that this all transpired before her and i met.im not asking you to solve my problem.but i do half to also ask you what your motives are if you are unable to tell your husband about your chat buddy.for if it was truly innocent you wouldnt have any problems telling your husband at all.in my opinion you are being unfaithful to him by not being truthful about this man.for why would you want to meet this man in person anyways?its ok to have online friends and someone you can talk to that you click with.but its not ok to fool yourself and your husband about going the extra step to meet him.you know what you want.

Thank you Axe! I also caught my man with on-line chats, and pictures, and emails. But he saw nothing wrong with it. It is wrong. Keeping it from your partner was the first wrong thing you did. It is the same as cheating.

What does your husband think when you ask him this?