Confused with 2 loves

To start with I was in a 3 yr relationship with my highschool sweetheart. I was happy but we had our problems also. Everyone thought we'd marry and I always thought he'd be there. Then I meet this guy at work and he sort of sweept me off my feet. He was fun, out going, like spending ALL his time with me and most off all I liked being with him . So i broke up with my sweetheart and completely broke his heart. He broke down and begged me not to leave, but i was so blind and in cloud 9 that i did.

Now 2 yrs later... I've continued with the new guy and am in a pretty serious relationship with him. He stays with me all the time at my place but doesnt live with me. My family likes him but I cant seem to let go of my ex. My ex started a new relationship also and is with her for 2 yrs also. Him and I havent talked at all and havent seen eachother or anything. Its like we ended from one day to another. Well.... just about a month ago I called him. And we talked for about 3 hrs. It seems that hes just satisfied with his new relati. but not inlove and completely happy. We secretly call eachother and just chat and are friends. Upto a few days ago. I called to see if he wanted to say hi and meet me. So we did and we ended up kissing for awhile and just holding eachother in his car. Then left and thats it.

Now your probably wondering whats up with my present relationship. Well, i love him and like being with him, but theres something there that doesnt let me let go of my guard and completely let him inside. I cant image spending the rest of my life with him. I like him now and enjoy being with him at the present time, but for the rest of my life I just cant see that. And maybe it has to do with some of our ugly breakups we've had, but i just feel that way. He wants to be with me and marry me im sure of that. But i have alot to offer him, he tries real hard but theres so many issues. His family not really being a family i'm use to being with. He never takes me to his parents house, when he does his mom doesnt pay much attention to me and i just feel uncomfortable there. Im really big in family b/c mine accepts whom ever im with as part of the family also.

So where im confused is why am i getting feelings back with my ex? He says he isnt ready to let go of his girl, but they always argue and he knows she isnt the one. And when we saw eachother, he kept gazing into my eyes and kissed me like we use to. Do i make something out of this? Do i continue being the cool friend whos here for him and hopefully one day he says he wants to try things again? or do i let that go, and focus on this relationship im in now? help me...

I've been pondering your message for most of the day, wondering how to properly phrase any advice I could offer you, so here goes, and please bear with me:

To be brutally honest, I don't think either of these two guys you've been involved with deserve the type of treatment you have subjected them to. There seems to be a problem here where you either just don't know what you want, or have a problem with respecting boundaries. You weren't content to leave one for another, you willingly chose to while involved with the second one to try to re-insert yourself into your ex's life, despite the fact he had moved forward and was in another relationship. I'm not trying to flame you as that is just not the way I do things. Hopefully if you've read to this point, you'll continue on.

You need to look at yourself in the mirror and try to truly assess what it is you feel you're lacking in your life, and to realize that true happiness and satisfaction comes from within, not soley from what others can give you (and I'm not referring to material possessions). A little bit of growing up wouldn't hurt either.

You might want to come clean to your current boyfriend, if you have the wherewithall to own up to your own mistakes. If you're able to take the high road without looking back, then that will tell you, and everyone else who REALLY knows you volumes in respect to your character.

I do wish you well, and good luck.