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Thread: I said i just wanted to be friends

  1. #1
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    I said i just wanted to be friends

    Some advice please. I recently stayed with a new friend for a short time (a few weeks), while I was out of work. I only knew him for a short time before I stayed with him. He told me he wanted a girlfriend when I moved in and I made it clear that I had NO interest in a relationship. He said he understood but he quickly became demanding and controlling. He would go through my personal papers and belongings. He would go out on the weekend nights until early the next morning and come home drunk and would often become verbally abusive. When he realized that I really wasn't interested in a relationship, he asked me to leave. He gave me a couple of days to find somewhere to go but I had to leave quickly one morning when he came home drunk and belligerent, screaming insults and throwing things.

    I owe him money from the time I spent in his home and I have every intention of paying him back. My problem is that he has become very unstable. He calls me all hours of the day and night leaving message after message on my voice mail if my phone is turned off. He goes from begging me to "come home" to telling me he hates me often within the same sentence. He makes cruel demeaning remarks and tells me he loves me with the same breath. He tells me we can be just friends and immediately says he hates me when I won't come over. I've known him a few months, spent just a few weeks in his home (clearly repeating I had NO interest in a relationship). Last night after taking several phone calls I turned my phone off only to find out this morning that there were MANY messages left by him. The messages again reflected his multiple personalties ranging from I need you to veiled threats of suicide. I want to end all communication with him (I can mail him the money I owe him) because any communication with him is futile. I've tried to be nice but his actions are on the brink of harassment and I want to be left alone. Please give advice (*I know my mistake...moving in there in the first place... I can't change that) on how to get him to leave me alone, to understand there is no future...

  2. #2
    Member Shy_Guy's Avatar
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    Ouch! A painful lesson you've learned (and are continuing to learn)!

    Does he know where you now live? Do you feel in danger? If so, don't waste your time being nice and polite. Contact the police.

    If he doesn't know where you're now living, short of contacting the police, change your phone number.

    He helped you out when you were in a jam, but they were for reasons of his own, rather than any real desire to JUST help you. Other than any financial obligation, you owe him nothing.

    Obviously as human beings, we all hope the best for our fellow man, but he's got problems that your presense or even concern will never help. These things were going to happen whether you ever came along or not, you were just the unlucky winner of this booby prize. He needs professional help.

    This is not a road for the weak of heart. I would strongly suggest that just stay out of it entirely, and try to go on with your life. You could try contacting mental health authorities in your area regarding his threats of self-injury, but you're risking getting even further involved in a difficult, even dangerous situation.

    I don't envy your situation, and I'm sure the lessons you're learning here are punishment enough for the folly of your actions. Hopefully you've learned from this mistake.

    Good luck,sincerely.

  3. #3
    Member Lightingbird's Avatar
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    Breaking up

    Tough situation that you have gotten yourself into.

    Well send him the money that you owe ASAP. Change your phone number so he can't reach you. File a report with the police.

    Never again get in a situation with a man and you are fully aware that he has his heart up front.

    Good luck to you.

  4. #4
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    Re: I said i just wanted to be friends

    This guy sounds dangerous. I was in a situation like this once a long time ago (although not nearly as bad.. just harassing phone calls). Whatever you do KEEP all the messages do not delete them. get them on tape (you may need them as evidence to show police). Keep records on how many times he will call a day and the content of each message.

    Make sure others are aware of this situation (sometimes guys like this will try to hunt you down.. ) If you live in an apartment building, then others should know that this guy isn't your friend and should not be allowed to enter the premises. If he starts to bother you at work, then contact the police immediately (this is not tolerable).

    Since you owe him money, he feels he has the right to harass you. If you do mail him the money do not write your return address on the outside envelope. If your check has your phone number or address on it then find another way to pay.

    I agree with the others when they say to change your phone number. This will probably help a lot. If he keeps persisting or if you feel for your safety. Please contact the police asap. Have them listen to the messages on your answering machine and tell them you feel threatened. They will help you take the proper steps to ensure your safety. Whatever you do do NOT speak to him, it will only encourage him to keep calling. Good luck! We are all here for you.

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  6. #5
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    ?

    ARE YOU SURE THAT YOU ARE TELLING US EVERYTHING?FIRST YOU SHOULD HAVE GIVEN HIM MONEY IN THE FIRST PLACE INSTEAD OF USING HIM.HE FEELS MISLEAD,WHY WOULD HE TELL YOU THAT HE LOVES YOU IF YOU DIDNT FILL HIS HEAD WITH SOME KIND OF IDEAS?YOU KNEW HE WAS INTERESTED IN YOU BEFORE YOU EVEN MOVED IN WITH HIM.AND THATS WHY YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF HIS FEELINGS..AND CUT THE CRAP ON HOW YOU ARE GOING TO SEND HIM MONEY.?ALSO WHERE ARE YOU STAYING NOW,AND HOW ARE YOU PAYING FOR THAT?IF YOU WANT SOMEONE TO COSIGN YOUR BUILL####..ITS NOT GOING TO BE ME...


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