I am such a rubbish friend!

I must be one of the most horrible people on this planet! But before I start telling you why, I shall provide you with some necessary background information: I have a friend who is 12 years older than me and I see her as a big sister who I have never had before. Earlier this year, she helped me face my biggest 'secret' that I held during my childhood and wanted to support me; but I am now trying to sort the problem out without hurting anyone. To a certain extent, I view her as one my trust worthy friends.

The problem that I caused: the other evening, we decided to go out clubbing and we were getting drunk and had a lovely time. But the problem I was having were negative flash backs which I was seeing, hearing and feelings. The problem grew and my friend and I went outside of the club. After talking to her, she started to become (emotionally?) sick (or vomitted with fear) and told me something which I had never heard before: she had experienced a negative incident in her life too, which she never wanted to expose. I felt horrible since I felt a lot of gulit and shame. Although she kept on explaining to me that it wasn't my fault, I realise that I had damaged someone during my recovery process. I even check to see if was alright the next day by phoning her, but she explained that she had the flu from her youngest child and blamed her 'illness' on this common 'bug'.

I have made the effort to go out and arranging some help to sort this childhood incident; but I view that I being unstable and I fear of losing more close friends because of this minor incident in my childhood. thereforeeeeeee, what can I do to help my friend? I know that I'm really bad for placing stress onto her, but it's doing my 'head-in'! I think I'm being unemotionally unstable!

Well to be honest... I am a bit confused on the problem at hand.

But I can say this to you.

You are not going to be able to help anyone until you get some help for yourself.

By helping her you will be only creating a group of more eratic emotionally scared women.

If it is something that happened in your past, consider this...

It is something that in fact DID happen. Nothing you can do will ever change it. It may have molded who you are or even affect some parts of your past relatinships with loves, friends or family. But it DID happen and you can never change it.

Accept that so you can pull yourself out of a self pity drop and focus on today and tomorrow by coming up with ways to cope with the hurt.

Join a support group, go to a therapist or speak to your minister in your church.

But whatever you do, do something now, don't let this linger.

But I'm sure either way, you'll do fine.

Good luck to you.

Hiya Rev.

I have been absorbing some of the things which you recommended and I shall be progressing further by receiving some professional help. And you were not wrong about helping my friend out, since I may have increased the damage rather than reduce it! 8) But I am off now and I am emotionally coping with the personal problem at hand; however it is one long road to becoming emotionally recovered.

queen_rocks!