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Thread: to be or not to be?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2002

    to be or not to be?

    i find myself in a confusing situation and am not sure whether it is just friendship or something more. i am a gay woman and have been friends for a year now with a woman who is also gay. for most of the last year we have done nothing but argue and clash, about almost everything. we have only been friends, though i know and she knows that i have been smitten with her since our first meeting. over the last month we have been getting along the best ever, and have had a few physical encounters, one which lead to sex. since then we have remained open and honest about what has happened and even though she knows i like her as more than a friend, she professes that she doesn't feel anything more than friendship for me. my confusion lies in the fact that her words of only wanting to be friends doesn't match with our continual physical actions and this new emotional intimacy she says she feels with me. in my heart i think she wants more than just friendship and is afraid and overwhelmed by what she might be feeling. i am willing to accept her in my life a whatever she wants us to be. though she completes me, i do love her and i don't want to her to be afraid. any suggestions as to what is transpiring between she and i, and how can i help her to open herself up. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Member focus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    columbus OH
    hmmm honestly i would be cautious in this situation.

    physical things happen... and often times they are the result of hormones more then emotion.

    if this person knows full well that you have feelings for her but tells you that she only likes you as a friend, then most likely she is not interested in you as anything more then a friend.

    the fact that you 'do' get physical with each other is actually a sign that she really isn't emotionally attached to you. if she were afraid of being with you but really wanted to, then it would either happen or the physical acts would scare her just as much and they would not occur.

    you cannot let your own emotions toward her confuse you into thinking that she feels the same way about you. she has told you that she just wants to be friends and the fact that you are ignoring that implies that you are letting your emotions affect your judgement.

    be her friend, but stop letting the physical stuff happen. if she really wants to be with you, then she would come forward and do it. stop trying to justify why she doesn't. you are only setting yourself up to get hurt if you keep letting your desires overcome your common sense.

    she knows you want her. if she wanted you, she would be with you. your heart is coming up with a thousand reasons why its more complicated then this but it really isn't.

    don't set yourself up for a let down. the warning signs are already there. recognize them and use common sense in this situation instead of your heart.


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