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How do i handle this?


Mist2044

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Hi My Fiance and I have been together for 3 and 1/2 years and engaged for about 3...yes Iknow it was quick. What made it better(or worse) at the time was the fact that I ws only 17 nd he was 19....young, stupid and in love.

 

Now he is in law enforment and we have a great appt.,2 cars, a horse(early wedding present for me) and 2 cats. all of this he says that HE worked so hard for and I had little to do with it. For awhile i was working 2 part time jobs that totalled 12 hours a day, and now I still work full time.

I guess I don't get it.

 

He has always been the VERY jelouse type. That should have been a red flag along time ago but I still love him to much to just leave. We fight every time we are together because a guy maybe looked at me funny or my shirt was unbottoned to far....the second to the top on a polo. it is getting tiring having to watch everything I do because i am sick of fighting with him. Little things like spending an hour with his sister at the mall and going to restruants are forbidden.. Am I wrong? Are these things that are normal after awhile?...Do all guys control everything from your under wear to the way you wear you hair, who you can be friends with (no guys/only girls) and whether I can go to a movie with his whole family because other guys might be there?

 

I am at a loss? He says he can't trust me. I have never ever cheated and never will. I trust him so why is he like this?

 

He once told me that he didn't want me but he didn't want anyone else to either so that was reason enough to get married?

 

I can't handle this anymore. What do I do?

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Jealousy is really a form of control. He is a Police Officer so his whole life is about controling others. My sister is married to a sheriff and I have a brother who works as a prison guard. Both of these characters are controling and difficult to be around. They deal in black and white issues. There is also a dark side to these militaristic-style individuals. Look at those women in the south who were all murdered by their green baret husbands. Try to picture your whole life of never having friends and always being afraid of his temper. It will get worse. After you have children, your figure will change and that may seem to make him happy at first as you will nolonger be attractive to others. However, his hunting instincts will overtake him. He doesn't love you. Love and control are very different. Love feels happy...control hurts your stomach. Ask yourself honestly how do you feel about him?

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Thank you for you input SL. He was a prison guard for two years befor working for the sheriffs dept. It was worse when he was at the prison.

 

I started dating him before my senior year of HS. His jealousy started about 3 months into the relationship. I should have seen the warning signs and red flags. Now I feel trapped. I let it go on so long. I left him once about a year ago. With good intentions but then he called me at my parents house and talked me into coming over to talk things out. Well I stayed the night and sleeped on the couch. I thought we had every thing settled then. that only lasted for a few weeks then he was back. Yesterday, I was talking to his sister (Also like a sister to me) and she asked me if he had ever SHOWN me that he was sorry. I broke down in tears because no one ever asked me that before and I knew then that he hadn't.

 

She also said that the first time we broke up was his fault but the second is my fault. She ment that I should not have put up with it for so long again. Do you agree?

 

I love him so much. The night that we broke up a year ago his dad picked him up at work and told him the situation. (I would be gone when he got home and why) the reason I had his dad do this is because if I had to face him alone he would " work his words" and I would stay only to regret it later.

 

Now here I am 9 months from the date we are supposed to be getting married and I'm scared.

 

I moved in with him the day I turned 18 and have never truly "been on my own." Being young and stupid we got into dept. And I was stupid enough to allow my name on bills...Like his car and my car have both of our names on the title and loan. and other things to. how do I leave knowing that I don't amke enough money buy my self to pay these bills if he dosen't. Or even the ones that he made me take out in only MY NAME!!!

 

To make matters worse I love his sister like a sister and his younger brother (my age) was my best friend for 6 years...that's how I met my Fiance.

I don't want to lose either of them, but I don't want them to feel weird because they are his brother and my friend either...Do you know what I mean?

 

I know we would remain close but I don't want to break up their family any more than it is already.

 

What do I do?????

 

Please help me I ahve to have a game plan for me to do this...

 

I need to get out but I'm scared....Not of him really physically but of being alone and with out a penny.

 

help me

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  • 2 weeks later...

After viewing several posts by this sisterlynch it has become quite clear that she likes to stereotype people based on her limited experiences. I take offense to the idea that it is the "militaristic-style" police or military personnel are the ones who are the control freaks. To be quite honest I am a police officer (and I damn sure don't spend my "whole life...controlling others") and I have found that these "freaks" come from all walks of life and social backgrounds. It gives me nothing but great pleasure to take some sap in for beating his wife or to see some woman leave the man she's been with when he tries to treat her like she's property or a pet. I do agree that he is very much a controlling person and this business with him not wanting you and him not wanting you to be with anyone else either is EXTREMELY disturbing! You need to distance yourself immediately because I am telling you, this is the type of freak that would exercise the ultimate control of you by taking your life and then taking his if he's as unstable as you make him sound. I would suggest leaving him (your well-being is 10x better than any amount of money) and getting a VPO (restraining order) against him ASAP. Never go back to him.

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