game playing???

I am an attractive 34 year old woman who has never been legally married, and I have no children due to medical problems.

However I have been in 2 serious relationships. The 1st one lasting 7 years and the 2nd lasting 4 years. I made some bad decisions in my life, but I feel I have learned from them.

My 1st serious relationship, turned into physical abuse by an alcoholic drug user, it took him cheating on me with my best friend for me to leave. The 2nd relationship, turned into a emotional abuse he was the worst drug user I have ever known. $3.000.00 worth a month, needless to say in this realationship, I do believe I was cheated on because of the sneaking around.

He always accused me of wanting another man if I just glanced in their direction, so I came to the point of looking to the ground to keep him secure in our relationship. Well after

a while of putting up with this I gave my love for this man Up. I made him leave. Well, 1yr later I moved back to my home town, joined a gym and 4 mos. later found myself attracted to my personal trainer (age 30)...I asked him if he would call me if I gave him my phone number, he said yes so I gave it to him, after 4 months of being trained by him. I knew he may have some attraction to me, as well, by some of the comments made and questions asked. Anyway...upon getting to know one another he would not tell anyone about us he kept it a secret, he said he was afraid he would get fired...but he said, "his bosses wanted him to get with me" before we actually did, so I do not understand that. During this time he accepted gifts form other women that were attracted to him.

Then after it was found out that I was his girlfriend, he still acted as though we were nothing, especially if other women were around. This gave me a small insecurity, then we would go out to eat and he would make a comment like "Ahh, not another man waiter". This added to the insecurity. His bosses hired a new employee, A 30 year old overly friendly female. With whom he went to school with, not real pretty, but very willing with most guys. If you know what I mean. I found a note. Yes, They wrote notes back and forth to each other. I told him that was unacceptable. Insecurity issue.

I called the Gym one day and the other male worker answered, and laid the phone on the counter, I could hear my boyfriend carrying on a very lengthy, intense conversation in the background with guess who... Eventually,

this girl quit working there, but there is no telling what went on when they worked alone together and the Gym was empty. I am concerned about that, he says "nothing happened" but then he also said, "she offered him to see her fakes", what kind of girl is this person to just Out of the Blue tell him this, knowing he has a woman? Unless something was going on... A couple of months ago this same girl left a note on his car saying, "Hey Babe, I've misssed you tons, my apartment is ___________ come by and see me sometime." I found this note in the floor board of his car one day while I was using it. I confronted him and sent her a letter. They both deny anything happening. Again, what would make her think she could invite him to her apartment knowing he had a woman, Unless something happened.

Well, now there is another girl working there, and I know it is an ego boost thing for him to have the girls' attention, but making arangements to be at the College Gym when she is there, and calling her to make sure she shows up to work out, he also has a group of them that he studies with and one of them is overly flirty with him in front of me. Which is not a real problem, but he makes statements like "Tomorrow is going to be a late night studying, so you can stay home and sleep." I am afraid of what actually happens when I am not around. I want to trust him but it is very hard. He Loves me I know this, But if a man is tempted isn't it hard for them to resist?

I Absolutely DO NOT trust other women like this. I am not saying ALL women are like this, I know there are women out there that do actually care about other people. But I have been there Done that 2 too many times.

I really Love this guy and would like to be married to him one day but I am so afraid of, what might have happened and what might happen, that I will probably loose him If I can't gain my trust back in him.

Sometimes I feel like he is playing games, but I am not sure.

Should I play games back or should I just let it go and pretend like it isn't a big deal.

Note: When I say insecurity, it is not with myself, but it is with the relationship itself.

k

The problem isn't with you, or your insecurities, or lack thereof, or even the other women, in this case. It's your boyfriend. This man is OBVIOUSLY not good boyfriend material. If you're looking for him to be committed to you in a mutually exclusive, monogamous relationship, forget it. The one playing the games is him, and you'd be well served to look elsewhere.

I don't think that playing games back with him is the answer. You'll be lowering yourself to his level, and demean yourself in the process. I also don't think that game-playing (other than checkers, monopoly, or even the occasional game of strip poker) bodes well for any long-term future for this relationship, do you?

Friendship, trust, caring, concern and honesty are the cornerstones of any successful relationship. You need to ask yourself honestly how many of these things you're consistently getting from him.

Being a man, I can't speak for all women, or any women for that matter. You've already learned something about yourself from the gym, it's that you're a d@mn good looking, capable woman, and that you the only person you *NEED* in your life is an equal partner to share all the good and special things that life has to offer you.

Co-dependency is a terrible thing, and a viscious cycle. You need to take a long hard look at yourself and take an honest assessment of your self-worth. I'm sure it's much greater than you're giving yourself credit for.

(he climbs down from his soapbox, his sermon done for the day).

Good luck!

If you need a answer... seek the truth if you are happy with all of this.

I don't think you are.

If that is true leave this man alone and find you someone that is willing to deal with your trust issues and build a foundation of trust initally.

There is no trust in your current relationship. Too much thinking and wondering ideas are being produced.

You might wanna reconsider your situation and start anew.

Either way discuss it with him, move on your decison, and a stick with it.

You'll do fine.

I believe a man is measured on how he treats his women. It is obvious to me that the gym-rat treats women as a conquest. He is not interested in a long-term relationship as long as he is actively looking - and believe me he is ( I know, I've been there ). Decide for yourself not to act like every one of his other scorned conquests. Cut that naccisistic punk smooth off. He's no friggin' good anyway, not now at least. I like the saying: "If you don't change the way you are acting, how can you expect things to change?"