Please tell me how to break up with a depressed girl friend

I'm 21, and I've been with this 21 year old girl for just over 11 months.

I relized after 1 month that she is not the girl for me because she is always depressed. I though i could help her, but no matter how hard i try she keeps on getting worst. It's like she's using that to hold on to me.

She gets upset about everything, she's mad at me when i'm not with her, and when i'm with her. I am forced to lie to her to try to keep her from getting upset, but it's not worth it because she get's upset either way.

She wants marrige, she wants me to move in with her. I don't think that either will help her, and this relationship will end up doomed eventually.

What can i do to get help for her? I don't know where to go. Lately she's been trying to hurt herself. she gets violent trowing objects, and trying to hurt herself with glass.

I can't continue living in a lie. I don't want to be with her, I don't want to hurt her (that's why i'm still with her after 10 months).

HELP!!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Hi KingKevin,

You are right, she needs help. You might need to enroll her into therapy or something. if she was more in control of herself you could try telling her that you both cant continue but considering the fact that she is hurting herself with things, I think you should try to get her to see a doctor, help her improve a bit and then leave when things are in good shape. If you leave her right away she might really end up harming herself and you'll never be able to forgive yourself. So in best interest of all, get her help and then quit.

Hi JustAnotherFriend,

I hear you, but I don't think she will get better.

I should have ended after 1 month, but I didn't want to hurt her feelings because of her condition, 10 months later i'm still her with the same problem, but it's worst.

I don't want her to hurt herself, and I would feel guilty for the rest of my life if anything would happen because of me.

I fell trapped in this relationship.

Thanks for your advice,

kingkevin

You are by no means trapped in that relationship.

If you truly want out of the relationship go to her home and tell her in a nice way and explain everything to her. Then stress to her if she feels like she is going to kill herself that you will call the police and ambulance.

They will take her to a sucide center for three days. Don't allow this grow any further and drag you down. The only thing you owe her is an explaination. She is not your child. If she threatens you that she will kill herself, threaten with the police. Then quickly leave.

You cannot allow her to have this power over you.

Make the right decision.

Hi,

I can only second how difficult it is. To deal with your girlfriends regular upsets sort of eats into your heart as time goes on. Even if you dont notice how, you get pulled into a dynamic of guilt, victim and rescuer. Then there are all the moments when things are good and you think its not so bad after all. And then out of the blue something you said was misunderstood and you are attacked again. So you learn to avoid things, start to tread carefully. And you end up feeling caged, and resentful.

I am getting out of a similar relationship be it without the suicidal threats.

I dont mean to be cynical, but dont be surprised if she is the one that will jump into bed with someone else and run off. And you will feel so angry and filled with rage against the unfairness of it all. Just saying it so you can think about it. She is weak and the demons she is fighting are are worse than yours. But just because she is weak it doesnt mean that you are that strong. Does she realise how difficult it is for you? Can you express your emotions honestly and feel she understands and take them in without defences? Does she understand you as you are - not in relation to her? That is does she really have any love over for you? She keeps saying she loves you, but does she really care for your best?

As far as her suicidal threats are concerned...you can help her realise that she has problems and that she needs to learn to deal with life in a more constructive way...but you are not responsible! She is manipulating your mind to make you feel guilty. The world is filled with rescuers and she will find someone else that will play that part for her, and some day she will probably find a bigger space inside her, with new possibilities and less fears. But until she is willing to face her fears and go through her suffering she isnt gonna get there.

Suffering can be a necessary teacher in life.

One last advice...try to talk with others together. Its too easy to get lost in a cocoon as a young couple where one thinks no one understands. But the communication that has broken down from too many harsh words can be helped by someone outside the relationship.

Im thinking about you two tonight and I know life will solve this for you.

Lots of love.