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Thread: Confused!!

  1. #1
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    Oct 2002
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    Confused!!

    I was in a 4 year relationship that just ended by my girlfriend. In August I get an email saying how she was sorry we couldn't spend as much time together because she was working so much and that we would use the up and coming weekend to spend with each other. She also said how I was not the "one", but the "one and only", and how she couldn't wait to walk down aisle and marry me. About the third week in September, right before we were suppose to go to Reno she tells me that she is having "questions" about our relationship?!?! Three weeks after that she came home from being out of town for work, and told me we should just be friends, and she needed to step back from the relationship. She was honest with me when she told me that there was another guy she met and that her interest in him is what caused her "questions" in our relationship.

    Her reasoning for the break was for something I did over 3 years ago. The incident she was talking about was a summer she stayed at school, and I treated her like crap. I really did, and I hated myself for treating her the way I did. I chose to drink and party a lot over treating her with the respect she deserved. Nobody deserves to be treated the way I treated her, and I have never treated anyone like that. It scared me so I went and met with the pastor at my church to help change the person that I had become. I made that change, and things were great. We had some hard times due to various situations. We had to have a long distance relationship over her senior year of college while I was out working at my new job. It was rough, but I think we did a pretty good job at it. Then that summer I got laid off from my job, while she was starting a new job. Through all of these adversities we were doing great. This past summer was really busy because we had a dozen weddings to attend. Once again we handled the busy schedule and stress great and had a wonderful time.

    That brings me to August where my story started. Now she tells me she has never forgiving me for the summer that I caused her so much pain, and she had never been treated like that. She also told me that she didn't like the person she had become because of the anger she supposedly had for me still. She told me she cheated on me and told me that she felt as if she was getting back at me for how I treated her. It has been a couple of weeks since she broke it off, and she has been seeing this other guy the whole time. I was trying to be her friend in saying that I didn't think it was right to jump from our relationship to another. I really want whats best for her and I, and I don't her sleeping with another guy a couple of weeks after we split is healthy of normal. That is not the type of person she it. It is like she is running from the pain!!! I have tried to be objective and do whats best for her and I as individuals not a couple, but she just thinks I am trying to fix everything. As a result she has said some very mean and hateful things to me.

    I would like her to see someone because I think she has a problem. She doesn't like to deal with things. Her way of dealing with problems is moving on or pushing them to the side and taking on more in her life.

    Sorry this was so long, but can anyone help me understand what is going on???

  2. #2
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    stand off

    Im telling you, the one and only thing you can do is to put her out of your life for now and ignore her. The more you push her right now the more you will drive her away. The only way she will ever want to be back with you is if you leave her alone and let her date this guy and see that the grass is not always greener. Dont call, dont email,nothing,,,ignore her. WHo knows, she may end up marrying this guy, but that doesnt matter because the only shot you have is to leave her alone and let her come back to you if she wants too. But my question is..Why do you want to be with her??? She cheated on you and then left you for another guy..are you kidding me??? Forget about her and move on but if you still want to be with her, leave her alone for now and pretend you dont give a darn what she does.. I know its hard after being in such a long relationship but its what you have to do. OH and also, dont, repeat dont be her friend...why would you want to listen to her talk about her new guy?? All it will do is torture you and drive you crazy and it is to hard to go from lovers to friends after a 4 year relationship. PUt her out of your life for now and if it was meant to be then she will be back. Its the only way.

  3. #3
    Member Lightingbird's Avatar
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    Tought situation

    Well,

    Takfer1 is very right. A bit aggressive, but very right.

    Apparently she is moving on in her life. I not really sure if she needs any therapy. She is just telling you things to ease her mind that she is not a bad person. So I would quick to believe that she does care about you.

    Now you need to be an adult, a man, and the responsible one and back off of this relationship. Cut all ties and get on with your life. Things will get better I promise but the first thing is to accept reality.

    That being her decision on your relationship and move on. Spend some time to yourself and better yourself for you next relationship.

    Enjoy the break and good luck to you.

  4. #4
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    That sucks


    You know what i think......a relationship is not perfect....and a relationship is about forgiving someone for their faults. IF she felt that way she would have broke it off with you alot earlier. IF she LOVED you then love is forgiving. Love is not anger and pain. If she loved and cared about you that much and knew you changed yourself from that life style....then she should have forgivin you. But she is using that stupid excuse to undo what she did to you. If she was your true love...then she wouldnt have seen someone behind your back. Don't contact her anymore! You can't torment yourself like this.....The road for you seems hard and depressing but you will overcome that and you will find someone for you. You took care of the problems with yourself....its not about you..Its about her...she has the problems now. You need to move on and take it slow with someone else. Eventually...she will just be a memorie........hopefully forgotton....and you will be in a relationship were this person will never do that to you...and will forgive you for your mistakes you made in your life.

    Thank you

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