Now that I'm single she needs to think about it!

Is this typical?

I was in a bad marriage and met a real nice woman. To make a long story short. We had an affair. She stopped it saying that she could no long go on with me as long as I lived in the same house with my wife. I loved her and decided that I wanted to be with her. I told her it would take about 6 months to get out- find a new place etc. She wasn't happy. That wasn't quick enough. We stopped seeing each other and now it's six months later and I'm out of my marriage living in my own place and she now wants to think about it as she met someone else whose she's been dating for 2 months. Our affair lasted on and off for 5 years.

I want to pursue this relationship. I'm at a complete loss for what to do. I already feel like an idiot, but what should I do?

Feeling like you're walking around with the word 'CHARMS' written in bold print on your forehead? I can sympathize to a degree. I'm not trying to condemn you, but unfortunately you were like a wide receiver in the middle of the field trying to catch the ball: you heard the footsteps coming, but you took your eye off the ball and it bounced off your hands.

Anything you did to extradite yourself from your marriage is *NOT* sufficient as a 'negotiation point' when trying to get back together with the object of your desire. You needed to do this for *YOU*, whether she was the impetus or not. The only things that will work are the things that brought you two together in the first place. You'll still have to be that same charming, witty, sexy devil that swept her off her feet. Anything that has happened in the past is just that: the past. Part of this might be beyond your control. Part of what makes up her might be wanting the unavailable. Now that you ARE available, whether at her bidding, or if the idea was entirely only your idea and you've done this FOR her, you've now made yourself undesireable in her eyes.

The pain comes from all the work you did feeling as though you did it 'ALL FOR HER' only for her to turn around and say 'this isn't what I really wanted'.

In the final analysis, she'll either be ameniable to resuming the relationship or she won't. If she does, then you're a lucky guy because you've already found someone who is compatible. If she doesn't, then you've learned one of lifes most difficult lessons:

*DON'T GET INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE WHEN YOU'RE ALREADY INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE ELSE*

Sorry for being harsh, there's no way to sugar-coat a situation such as these.

GH67 said:

I was in a bad marriage and met a real nice woman. To make a long story short. We had an affair

I will not comment on the lady..what I would like to point out is:

You cheated on your wife while you were still married. Your let your "little head" do the thinking and the action.

You went from one person and get into another person and still have problems with women. Hey guess what.. do you know who is the constant in this two women? YOU!

So.. the problem is not her or your ex. The problem is you.

I would like to suggest that stop dating, or want this 2nd woman and invest some time on yourself. Find out who you are, what your values, principles, and MORALs are.

Find out what went wrong with your marriage, take an HONEST look at your contributions to the fail marriage because it takes TWO people to be in the relationship and takes TWO to break up.

Take back your power as a man and own up to your faults/defects/weakness and make amends if you hurt someone, like yoru ex, or children.

Take responsibilities of your failing. Don't blame it on your Ex, or the other woman.

After you done all of the HEALING, discovery works on yourself, usually 1 year. Then you can go ahead and date because you will become a BETTER, HEALTHIER, AND EMOTIONALLY FIT PERSON.

That is a good quality that a GOOD woman would want from a man. Not a man that has baggages and do not own up to his responsibilities.

A Good woman would want to ask this from a man she is dating "what non-monetary contribution are you bringing to the relationship?"

I bet she is not asking about sex, and your physical techniques

A good woman want a MAN, and not a MALE.

Do you know the difference? It takes courage and strength to be a Man. There a lots of MALE out there, not so many MAN.

I am not sugar coated either. Take it for what its worth.

Suggest reading:

"10 stupidest things men do to mess up their lives"

"Keep the love that you have" by Harville Hendrix.

I am sorry to say that you are being too harsh. We don't know anything about this guys relationship to his ex-wife. They could have been going through hell, and this other woman was a catalyst in making him do something to get out. I disgree with his affair, but I think that he will finally pay for like he is now.

I agree that he has some soul searching to do, but one can not set a time limit on a process like this. It took me years and I am still learning and growing and will do so until my dying days. This guy needs to re-evaluate his relationships and find out what went wrong in his first relationship. This mistress doesn't sound too healthy either if you ask me.

Relationships are not easy - ask me I know but at the same time I dont want to be with out a partner.

Good luck to you and the guy who lost both wife and mistress.

hugs