Looks at porn on practically every day...

Hi all. Im new here. Stumbled accross this forum in my first search about porn addiction.

It seems somewhat ironic that I taught my then boyfriend, now husband, how to use a computer, get on the net, navigate and search for whatever he wanted to know about. I even sold him the very pc he now uses to look at porn on practically every day. How do I know? I am a "computer geek" as some like to call me at work. I have ways, I know.

Ironic? Perhaps.

Heres a twist to basically the same situation each person here has posted.

I, myself have on occasion, like once every couple of months, looked at porn; cant say that I wont again. I didnt really have a problem with him looking at porn, until I found it has has evolved into an almost daily thing. He wouldnt admit to that, and we have discussed this before. He doesnt see it as a problem. At least I didnt teach him how to use newsgroups. Theres some seriously bad, awful, sick(!) stuff in some of those that I hope to never come accross again, and would like to some major censoring going on in. (sorry if I step on anyones toes about RIGHTS, because the RIGHTS of others that were violated to get those images there far outweigh the right of free speech, ect ect.)

But, anyway, it DOES hurt to know that youre husband is making love, masturbating or simply with his eyes, to an image on a screen when youre not around. I would love to have half the attention paid to me and my body, and not just the "sexual zones", and US as a couple, as he is giving to the porn sites. A husband addicted to porn elicits so many feeling from his wife, and men are unaware of them, probably because we as women dont tell him. Mine is about to learn how very serious I was, when I send him this post.

Feelings of unworthiness, not being pretty enough, sexy enough, too thin, too fat, not big enough tits, tits too big, insecurity in wondering if perhaps he may move to another level of cheating. (yes, looking at porn is a form of adultery, if you believe in God.) I think over a period of time, it dimishes the closeness and intimacy two people had once shared. (I experienced that with my first husband and his addiction to phone sex lines, which were prevalent before the internet made it big boom in porn).

I have experienced all of those feelings, and still do, if I let myself. However, I am not fat, not ugly, dont have big boobs (heehee), (but do have a big sexual appetite)..... (at least i did, until i realized how much porn watching has been going on...it's hard to be intimate when youre making love to someone, and not knowing what they are thinking about or seeing behind their closed eyelids). But, I know it is not a choice I can make for him. I hate the thought of my marriage being ruined by internet porn, but I cannot make the decision for him to choose NOT to look, or to at least limit it, and to CHOOSE to want his intimacy and passion and realtionship with his wife, more. So for now, I am taking it day by day,

As far as porn being the reason behind rapes, I cannot totaly agree on that. Society as a whole, here in our country, has slowly had morals, consciences, values, broken down in an attempt to please everyone. Rape has been a part of earths history. Period. But it wasnt as widely spoken about until the feminism movement. Until that point, it was basically a shame on the victim for anyone to know of it. One could hardly argue that there is an increase in cases, statistically, when one considers the rate of growth in the our nations population, as well as the earths, which is to quadruple by 2020, (courtesy of the US Census).

Ok enough said. Wating for your responses......

You are right in your thinking. Porn is affecting your sense of self worth. My husband and I had this discusion last night. Women hate porn on the internet because it is our new form of competition. When you are out with your husband on the street, and he sees a pretty girl coming, does he always smile at her in that knowing way? I hate that. My husband sets up dates with women from his former place of employment for lunch. He says he needs this form of stimulation, but I wonder. He tells me that all he ever thinks about when he is working is sports, but still I wonder. In our small community, the neighboring community and the large capital city 30 minutes from here, he would never see so many beautiful women as he can see in 15 minutes on his "favorite" website. Don't throw away the marriage, but stand up for yourself and tell him to cut it out. It is an addiction, plain and simple. It is the same as drugs or alcohol. Tell him that you are aware that he is looking at these websites, and tell him that it needs to stop. Be specific about how he has changed, and don't let him slide backwards--because he will. In times of stress he will fall into his old habits. Look for help in marriage/communication. If he has downloaded anything inappropriate, delete it. Remember this is a war starting. Every little communication with him is important. Talk to others who you can trust. E-mail him. Make yourself as attractive as you can. Eat the right foods and exercise regularly. Ask him what is so attractive about these women. Maybe he wants to try new positions or he may like you to wear some stalkings. Look at his perspective to see how you could change to be the perfect you. Be very aware of his changes in mood. Ask him about how he is feeling. Remember that it could be worse--try to picture him with another woman. Tell him how interesting he is and how attractive he is...talk dirty to him. Exercise when you feel angry, pretend that you are meeting someone new. Make him tell you his fantacies. This may make you uncomfortable, but it will probably help him aleviate his level or stress. Make sure that he does not feel too much pressure from you and other places. Intimacy is difficult for men. It really is. They equate love and sex. they communicate to you through sex. Look for his actions more than his words. Remember this will make him uncomfortable, so be sweet with him and sincere. This will help him feel more comfortable talking to you. Joanie email removed