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Thread: I want to trust my wife!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct 2002

    I want to trust my wife!

    I know I should trust my wife on this, but my past experiences with another woman are seeping into my judgment. Further, my wife's family history of infidelity and her attitude toward it are worrying me.

    My wife and I have been together for going on seven years. She has never given me a reason to think she would cheat on me. But at the same time she has never had the opportunity. We had kids early in the relationship, she works full-time and I work full-time swing shift. Our schedule is hectic enough without finding time for infidelity.

    But yesterday she asked if I minded if she goes dancing with some friends. I didn't have a reservation until she said she would be going with people from an adjoining county that I do not know. She has contact with these people through work. I told her I want her to have fun and said I wanted her to go. However, it has been eating at me.

    Problem #1: I was in four-year relationship with a lot of infidelity by her that I ignored. She would go out with friends often, and this is when the cheating happened.

    Problem #2: My wife's mom has been married three times, with infidelity causing the end of at least one of the marriages.

    Problem #3: My wife feels infidelity is forgivable. I do not.

    I know I'm probably being paranoid and jealous. But I was hurt badly by my past relationship and infidelity does not seem to be the serious issue it should be to my wife.

    My inclination right now is to say nothing, let her go out and see what happens. I feel that is long as she comes home of her own accord at a reasonable time things will probably be OK. Also so long as these requests to go dancing or any other unusual socializing (we don't socialize much) don't begin happening too often, I can trust her.

    Anybody have any thoughts?

  2. #2
    Member Lightingbird's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002

    Growth and consumption

    You need to talk to her.

    Don't let this consume you because it will. Having feelings of fear of cheating is normal. But you since you are in a relationship together, you are each others immediate person to turn too. Best friends...

    Talk to her and don't approach her in a offensive or overly direct way. Bring up some of your faults, why you love her and ease into the subject. Tell her your fears but don't present a command or order of not going or rules. End by telling her your true fears and go no further. You don't wanna start a fight, you just want to enlighten her on the topic.

    Never let any fear, person, or action cause problems that can destroy your marriage. It says in the bible that a husband and wife should not be placed in positions that can tempt the other in adultery.

    But since this is a friendly event respect her feelings and wishes but please alert her to yours.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    it sounds as though there is an intamcy lack in your relationship and it sound as though by saying she thinks infedelityis forgiviable is a setup for the future.you need to seriously sit down and talk to her.You need to let her in on what you are thinking and feeling.The number one cause of infedelity is a lack of communication,be honest and ask her to do the same see a councelor if need be.Dont put a brand on her because of her mother---my mother is a cheater on my father and they have been married 24years and i myself love my husband and would never.I donot believe it is in her genes to cheat.just find out what she needs and wants and her thoughts on your marriage,

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