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SEPARATION RESULTS IN PREGNANCY


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my husband and i have been married a year and a half. We were having a lot of problems, so we separated for a month. during the separation, we talked a lot and decided that we love each other alot and want to be together. I came back come and things have been wonderful. the other day,i get a call at work from my husband's ex- girlfriend who is also the mother of his 3 1/2 year old, saying that she was pregnant with my husbands baby.. I didnt believe her at first because she has said this before in the past. She is a looney bin. Anyways, I confronted my husband about it, and it turns out that he slept with her once when we were separated, and it's 99.9 % chance it is his baby. He told me he didnt want to tell me because he was afraid I would leave him. I love him dearly, and I excepted his son but how can I handle another child, when I 've had 2 miscarriages myself (with my husband) I will have to see a infertility specialist to get pregnant. it should be me having the baby not his psycho ex girlfriend.. somebody please give me some advice!!!!

 

 

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  • 3 months later...

I am only 13 years old but i hope this helps! God gives little gifts to people by luck.You want to have his baby but things aren't going well.But i think that by the way you talk about his ex that she is not fit to be a mother.So this may be gods way of giving you a baby that needs more love than it would get from the own mother.You may not be the 1 lieing in the hospital bed but you could be the 1 that makes a loving mommy to a new born baby!

Hoped i helped Nessa[/b]

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  • 2 years later...

I'm so sorry you are in this. I can understadn you are hurt because of the apparent injustice of this woman conceiving so quickly, when you have had the real pain of two miscarriages. That it was your husbands makes it so much more unbearable. Again the dimension of his infidelity (becasue separation or not it is too raw to be sleeping with an ex at taht stage).

 

I guess you have too look at the different areas that are causing you pain. Deal with the injustice of "fate". Find a way of coming to terms with that. Then look at your marriage - what is the real future there? Once you can say yes I want to be in this marriage and you can stand next to your husband, work together to find a way of supporting each other through this. A baby, and the presense of this woman will be so disruptive you'll need to be very strong.

 

Maybe the reality is that you are not meant to be together (as hard as this is to look at).

 

The final part, and perhaps one of the hardest is that as much as this 'looney bin' has hurt you and your relationship she is still stuck with a second pregnancy and a young child.

 

What a hard set of things to look at. Anyone of these issues would be difficult to sort out. I think the only way you can make a start is break them down and look at each element one by one. Good luck.

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You all were separated, your husband is fairly irresponsible for not using protection with this other woman. But with that being said you must deal with the hear and now. First, it may not be his. I am sure if she is looney maybe she is just using him as a comfortable place to fall to get to you when she knows it isn't his. Ex's have been known to pull these things!

Been there done that!

 

The issue on your relationship. You have to decide what it takes to be in a marriage. If you are committed you take the good with the bad and vice versa. It sucks that you haven't been able to get pregnant by your husband and I can understand the frustration. God works in mysterious ways. It may not have been the right time for you even with fertility treatment. My doctor told me at 16 you will never have kids and three kids later he was wrong. If it is the right time for you it will happen! There are many other ways to deal with this. Be thankful there are two kids that you can set a good example for, although they aren't yours you can love them like they were. The luckiest kids in the world have more than one set of parents that are involved and provide good examples! Everyone is born to a set of parents but not all are cared for by their birth parents. You could have a wonderful chance to be involved, don't look it as a negative all together. Part of that child is also your husband, and he/she didn't ask to be born, it happen. So you make the best of things and move on.

 

You have to be strong, if you commit to making your relationship work it won't make a difference if 20 people have kids by your husband, your love and commitment to him will stop the jealousy and hate. You may try counseling with him. Also, there are many ways to have a child of your own with your husband so don't give up hope. You have a lot of things to think about, and as I said if you make a commitment to one another no one will tear it apart.

 

Good Luck!

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