A 'friend' isn't being truthful.

One of my best friends, John, has recently broken up with his girlfriend, Cindy. I've been friends with John for quite some time and met Cindy after they started going out. I immediately liked Cindy when I met her, and I'm attracted to her. I love her personality more than anything else, and I get along with her really well. During the course of their relationship, I let Cindy know that I wanted her to be a friend, not just "John's girlfriend", and at the time, she agreed fully and said she really wanted to get to know me better, and to have me as a friend.

Anyway, John came to me with many of his relationship troubles. They've been fighting for months now. John kept a lot of his feelings hidden from Cindy during the relationship, in particular, things he wasn't happy with. John's a bit detached, I suppose, and would rather not cause any conflict in the hopes that a problem will go away, and I think that this detachment meant he was dishonest to Cindy. In any case, I told him to be honest with himself and to make a decision based on that, because they were fighting almost constantly and I believed that he wasn't being fair on himself or Cindy when he kept things to himself.

John told me he'd broken up with Cindy. They'd had a big fight at her house, and he left. She called him on his cellphone, and he returned. They then broke up.

Cindy was really upset. John had told me that she had 'let go' of many of her friends during their relationship, and I know that being alone after a breakup is bad. I sent her an email letting her know that I had made a big deal of her friendship before the breakup, things had changed, but I still wanted to remain friends. She replied saying that she was really appreciative, and really thankful that I'd sent the email, and that she too wanted to 'get to know me better'.

About a week ago, Cindy was really upset, and in an online conversation we had, she said she was feeling alone, felt that nobody cared about her and felt like she wanted to be dead. I'm naturally a very empathic person, and hearing this from her worried me deeply. I let her know that she was not alone and made arrangements to talk with her the next day.

During that talk (which was in person), Cindy told me that when John and her had broken up, he had said he loved her more than anything, and had cried. Considering the sort of person John is, I wouldn't have expected him to cry; I suspected he was letting Cindy down easy, so as to not hurt her. She'd talked with him on the phone the night before, and he'd told her he meant he loved her only as a friend, and that's all he meant. She was extremely confused, was questioning just how much of the relationship was real, and felt very upset. I told her that it was best to assume that John's phone statement was his real feelings, that he felt the relationship was over. Cindy also told me about many of the fights they'd had, said that John had unceasingly concentrated on her body and was very distant. That she told him everything, had believed him when he said there was nothing wrong, etc etc.

She said once again she was alone, that no-one cared, and I said "I care about you, hey. I'm not just saying that, I wouldn't be here today if I didn't." Cindy worried that she would make things weird between me and John, and I replied that I could separate them in my head and that they were both my friends, and I would be there for both of them whenever they needed me. She thanked me for being there for her. I felt that our friendship had gone an extra step after this, I was really happy that I could help her. I told myself that I would ask her to do something every week, to try and help her understand that she still had friends. I'll point out here that I didn't try and set up a date with her; the things I suggested included doing things with my older sister, who had previously met Cindy and liked her.

I'll stress here: I do like Cindy, I do feel attracted to her, but I don't think she's ready for another relationship, I'm perfectly happy just being her friend, and I honestly am not ready for a relationship myself.

Yesterday I rang Cindy and asked if she would like to do something on the weekend. She said "I'll have to say no for now, I have a lot of study to do. Ring me tomorrow because right now, I don't know." I did, today, and she once again said she was busy with study, so I said "Okay, I'll talk to you sometime later."

This evening, I was planning to go out with John, who told me that Cindy had sent him a letter saying that she loved him, but could accept his decision and was happy being friends. By complete accident, he was telling me this when his cellphone rang, and Cindy talked to him and mentioned she was having lunch with some mutual friends of ours, Jess and Becky, the next day.

I didn't mention that I'd asked Cindy if she'd like to do something on the weekend to John; I think he'd make a wrong conclusion on it that could affect our friendship for now, at least. In any case, he was aware that I liked Cindy as a friend very much before they broke up, and I'd rather not bring up his ex-girlfriend with him around for a while. But now I know that Cindy wasn't being honest with me earlier, and right now I feel quite annoyed and hurt.

I spoke with Jess about what she was doing on the weekend, and she said she was going out with Becky to 'see a mate'. At the time I thought it was someone I didn't know, but I now know it's Cindy.

So... Cindy lied to me about her weekend. I don't know why. Telling me the truth wouldn't be a problem for me in any way. I know Becky and Jess, they know Cindy too, that's perfectly fine. But I find myself really upset that Cindy didn't tell me the truth, and I can't explain why. I'm also a little worried about Jess, because Jess knows I know Cindy, probably a little better than she does, and yet she never mentioned her name at all to me, which my admittedly pessimistic mind is already a vague, conspiratorial way to keep me clueless on this. Once again, Jess telling me she was going to have lunch with Becky and Cindy is not something that would upset me in any way.

What should I take away from this? I mean... I don't want to sound like the kind of person who does a favour to get a favour in return. I helped Cindy because I like her, I don't want to see her upset, hurt, and feeling alone. She seemed grateful enough before; why be dishonest about this?

I am really clueless, not sure how to approach this, and quite frankly my first reaction was to call Cindy on it, which I don't want to do, and haven't done yet. I can't seem to stop myself thinking about this. I've got this scenario in my head that I've done something to upset, annoy or irritate Cindy, and she's told Jess and/or Becky, and now they're both trying to keep me in the dark. I just have no idea whatsoever what I've done wrong, if anything. And I know I'm beginning to overreact the more I think about it.

What do you think I should assume from this? Should I distance myself from Cindy? Should I call her on it? Should I ring her while she's at lunch and inquire how study is going, and then ask who she's with? (that's the most evil thing I can think of, and personally, I don't like that I'm thinking it right now).

I just... I have this thing about honesty with my friends, and this is kind of like, really testing me on the fact that it was just last week that I even made a conscious effort to be honest and caring with Cindy. I feel almost betrayed. It's just lunch, but it's the dishonesty that I can't explain, and it's the dishonesty that is upsetting me.

Please help. What can I do to fix this without hurting anyone? Should I stop trying to help Cindy, and stop trying to remain friends with her? And should I take this as an indication that my help and support aren't wanted?

Distance yourself from her, but keep in contact, she seems to still be in love with your friend and hasnt given up hope, and she doesnt want to risk "the chance" by hanging around someone else, never hit on a woman that is vulnerable, later on she may feel a regret that she made those decisions at that time.

Dont do any sabotaging, just be an available friend if she needs you, if she does finally give up on him, you can help her with the healing but dont "comfort" her too much you know what i mean. give her at least a few months. hey i know its a long time, but you want a lasting potential relationship with her, you could lose her and your friend over this if played wrong.