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Thread: Working with an ex fiance', that I still am in love with

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
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    2

    Working with an ex fiance', that I still am in love with

    I am 21 years old and my fiancÚ' has left me after 5 years of our life together. I know that may not seem like all that much time to some of you, yet that is 1/4th of my life. She left me for good reason. I began to control her. I knew no other way to feel "loved" other than control. Watching my father beat my mother, brother and I and continually watching my mother come back for more, I thought that mom really "loved" dad. No, I never laid a finger on my ex, yet emotional scares hurt worse and take much longer to heal. I have taken steps to find the path to recovery. I have gone to therapy (which I am not too proud of, yet not to proud to realize I needed help either). I think that she sees a difference in me, yet she acts like she does not care. The thing that is tearing me apart is that I actually work with her, about 4 rows apart from her. I see her every day and I see how happy her new "man" is making her. He lives about 5 hours away from her and I just don't see how she could be so happy to be with someone that is not able to be with her. She is 20 and initially left me for a 30 year old. She did not get attached to him for a reason, but she quickly moved on to a 22 yr old that goes to college in a city 5 hours away. I know that I put her under a glass casing for too long, and now she is spreading her wings and tasting freedom. I want her to enjoy life and to get that out of her system, but not for me (like I would have in the past) but for her. I just don't know what to do. Of course I want her back in my life, as my future, as my best friend, as the mother of my future children, but I don't want to seem like I am forcing her. I come to work and have pain everyday. When I see her I think of all the good times that we had together, when I used to be able to hold her, and tell her that I love her. It sometimes fells worse when she is not there, because then I know that she is doing all of those things with another man now. I don't know what to do, this would be a whole hell of a lot easier if I didn't truly love her, and truly open my eyes. If it were about control, I would be trying to control someone else by now, but I NEVER want that control again. I want someone that loves themselves enough to never be controlled, and maybe that is why I am so distraught about not being with her. I see now that she loves herself that much. I don't know what to do, any support appreciated.

    ~It is hard to make a come back when you haven't been anywhere~

  2. #2
    Member Lightingbird's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
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    Keys to help....

    My young friend....

    What you need to do is self improvement. Work on bettering yourself. Go start a new physial routine or look for a new job. Upgrade your wardrobe. Look and get a better job. The point is two-fold

    1. Youll be improving yourself for the better.
    2. If she notices, all of the sudden you will be much more appealing because youll have this new you about you.

    Trust me it could work. Besides... at your age you should be focusing on the future and whatever it may bring. I am sorry that things are hurting you. But part of being young is learning. I hope you learn from your fault and whatever she told you she didn't like. Trust me it will only help you with other women.

    Or...

    If the lord permits, it will help you with her.


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