Hoping He'll Change His Mind

Hi, I'm Wendy

I just broke up with my boyfriend a couple of days ago. We've only been dating for 4 months, but he is very special. We see each other usually only about twice a week and we get along super. Then all of a sudden for no apparent reason he tells me he doesn't want a serious relationship as he isn't ready for it, I said i didn't want a serious relationship either, but he said he could tell I was heading in that direction. (we are in our early 40's so we're not kids here)

He also says that his life is too messed up right now, as he is raising his two kids (6 & 11) and always has his ex to deal with (this doesn't bother me at all and i've never said anything bad about it).

He gave me a big hug and held me very tight then he started to cry and said he didn't want to let me go. He said he had feelings for me and that he would be my friend and he'd be there for me forever.

Now i'm very confused, do you think he was just trying to let me down gently or do you think maybe he is telling the truth and is scared to death to make the committment (he's been hurt at least 3 times). Should I just give him time to see if he calls me back (how much time) and should i attempt to call him at all or send him balloons or anything.

Please help me!!!

I am not sure what advise there is, just wanted to say you are not alone. I was with a guy 7 months, he has 3 wonderful children who I also love. After 3 fantastic months I could tell something was wrong and he did the bit about not wanting a serious relationship as he had just come out of a bad marriage where his wife went off with someone else and he said he was just beginning to cope on his own again. We talked and I said I take it at what ever pace he wanted, and we carried on. Then 4 months went by and I could feel him pulling further and further away from me, and I thought just give him space but I was getting hurt more every day until I had to ended it, I knew it was the right thing to do at that moment in time for both of us. We both cried and hugged when I left. He rang me the following day to make sure I was ok and when I asked him how he was he said he was just throwing himself into his work, so I presumed he must be feeling as sad as I was. We have been apart 2 months now and I think Im crying more now than then. I am lost. I'd known him 14 years before we got together as a friend as we work for the same company, and I have to speak to him work related every day. No personal conversations have passed between us since we split and we never discussed the situation that made us part. Now I want to discuss it and see if now he has had some space if we cant make a fresh start. We never even argued once when we were together, and I keep thinking about all those good times, then think why has he not tried to speak to me, purhaps there is not hope. But I need the hope to get me through. Im going to try and contact him soon, need to know one way or the other, otherwise I will never be able to more on. I just hope he has appreciated the space I've given him, and will love me for it. So the adivse i'd give you is give him a little space, maybe even a letter to let him know how much you care, saying you understand and give him space. Then try and contact him after a while to see if you can make a fresh start. Hope all goes well. Amanda (England)

Evening Wendy,

I was just reading your post and I realize that it is a few months old, but I'm wondering how things turned out. I'm finding myself in a similar situation and I'm curious how things went.

Thanks,

Lali