DESPERATELY SEEKING ADVICE

ME AND MY EX BOYFRIEND BROKE UP ABOUT TWO MONTHS AGO. WE WERE TOGETHER FOR A YEAR AND HE WAS MORE MY BEST FRIEND THAN ANYTHING. WE BROKE UP BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO CLUBS AND PARTYING WIT MY GIRLS ALOT. I JUST TURNED 18 AND HE RECENTLY TURNED 24. HE SAID THAT I WANTED TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND BUT LIVE THE LIFE OF A SINGLE GIRL. IT WAS TRUE THEN BUT NOW THAT WERE NOT TOGETHER I MISS HIM SO MUCH. WE STILL TALK ON THE PHONE AND CHAT ONLINE BUT I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM SINCE THE BREAKUP. I'VE DATED SINCE THEN BUT I COMPARE EVERY GUY TO HIM AND IT NEVER WORKS OUT. I THINK I MAY LOVE HIM AND I WANT TO GET BACK WITH HIM BUT IM TOO AFRAID TO SAY IT. WHAT SHOULD I DO. PLEASE HELP. IS IT LOVE OR LUST?

Well, I'm a 26 yr old male. I can't tell you if it is lust or love, but I will tell you what he may be thinking. I have had similar thoughts.

I feel that people from the age of 18-22 are much different from those that are 23-26. Many of us semi-older folk have grown out of the things 18-22 yr olds are just starting to experience. At 18, you are experiencing so many new things and usually the absolute freedom from your parents. By the age of 21 you are freely able to drink in public and that starts a new situation in itself.

The club scene and partying always bring the possible opportunity for meeting a newer guy. Especially when he is not with you. If he isn't still going with you, he never got into that mode or is done with it. After a while I found those activities boring/irriatating or whatever.

Personally, I would say to take a good look at whether you really miss the friendship or the boyfriend. When I broke off my first year long relationship, I drove home wondering why I even did it. For many days after that I wanted the old things back. She was my best friend and we sent all our time together, but it was just time to end it.

You have spent a significant amount of time with this person and it takes time to pull away from that bond. I would admit that after 2 months you should start feeling less attached. If not, perhaps you should give it another try with him.

As far as dating now, I think it is perfectly fine to compare your past experience to your current attempts. You are comparing everyone now to your old boyfriend. Makes sense that you know you want at least what your past boyfriend had to offer. Trade up, not down.