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Thread: We Broke Up But We Both Still Love Each Other

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2002

    We Broke Up But We Both Still Love Each Other

    I'm sure my story is not unique. I recently broke up with "THE ONE". We clicked in every way possible. We've been dating for about 10 months, living together for about 6, but we've known each other for about 7 years. I guess I should give some background...

    I met this girl 7 years ago at the bank. She was a teller, I was in college and a courier. I had to stop by the bank everyday on my route. Well, we talked, she showed some interest, but nothing working out. However, my best friend was working with me at the same time and he had the same route. Well, things with them did work out, and they dated for 4 years. Well, after the 4 years, they realized they weren't in love with each other and decided to be friends. Is it possible to be friends with an ex? I didn't think so until I saw this. But deep down inside, my friend had a small semblance of hope that they may have a chance to get back together again. Well, they were "friends" for 2 years. They hung out, they did stuff, etc, etc, etc. Well, my friend finally moved out of state 2 years ago. He comes back and visits often. On one of these trips, he asked me to come along to meet his "ex". Well, he readily admits he was over her by that point, and his plan was that he thought we would be perfect together. Well, we are/were/whatever.

    We clicked like we've never clicked with anybody. We took it relatively slow since it was weird, my dating my best friend's ex and she was dating her ex's best friend. We finally decided that our feelings were strong enough last Thanksgiving. We moved in together (to my house) in Feburary. Well, last Thursday, she broke up with me. At the time I didn't understand it. I've some time to think about it and work out the emotions with my friends/family/support group. I guess I just didn't understand why she left, other than I thought she didn't want to commit.

    Well, last night we had a cathartic talk (at least for me). I finally got why she broke up with me. I had put her in a lot of pain recently because we weren't communicating and she was in so much hurt because I was "THE ONE" and she could see that things were going badly between us and she couldn't see it getting better. We both pretty much shut down the last two months as far as communiating our feelings and what we were thinking. I make no excuses on why it happened. It was the entire "get in a rut" type of thing. I knew that I was taking her for granted lately and that I wasn't being as appreciative as I usually was, but I thought we could dig out of it. I didn't realize that her despair and sadness was as great as it was, and she wasn't telling me that. She just expected me to know. LIke I said, no communication on either side.

    We still both care and love each other very much, but at this point, she only wants to be friends. She's so hurt right now and in so much pain she's pretty much given up on relationships forever. She doesn't want to give me a second chance, she doesn't want us to start dating all over again. She's pretty much committed to being friends. I suggested that we be friends for a while and see how it goes. If her pain lessens and her feelings for me lead towards relationship again, let's go with it. I think she's agreeable to that. I'm excited. I do feel this is a second chance for me despite what we are calling it.

    However, I guess the advice I need is twofold: First, am I getting my hopes up to much thinking that we will be getting back together if I show her how wonderful I am and how thoughtful and caring I am and how I can lessen all of this pain for her? Second, she has a steady track record of being friends with ex's and not having it being anything more. Is there any way I should differently with this sitaution? My friend who she broke up with had advised me against doing it, but I feel the situation is different since when they broke up, it was a mutual thing and they knew they weren't in love with each other any more. From last night's conversation, I can safely say that were're both still very much in love.

    Would love to hear some insight on if this relationship still has a chance.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    if you still love eachohter than be together for godsakes once you have found "THE ONE" never let them go or you'll regret it forever

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2002

    We Broke Up But We Both Still Love Each Other (2utmtnbiker)

    i think it's still possible. i got back together with my ex too soon - similar reasons for breaking up. and now we're apart.
    so, i don't think you should date yet either.

    i think if you can, maybe you can spend some time apart. it really brings the depth of how much you love each other to the surface. i worry that you're sticking around her while she's into being friends, because that, in a way, makes it easier for her - she doesn't have to go through the pain of missing you, 'cause you're around.

    it's really important that you can get to the base of her fears. if you're the One, then what's holding her back from being able to envision ongoing commitment? are you still couriering? is it a money issue? family? getting stuck in a rut was awful - i went through the same thing. but when my ex and i tried to get back together, nothing really changed. i was afraid of hurting X again and X didn't really do anything differently.

    maybe i'm old-fashioned, but i'd say, surprise her. buy tickets to something (a show, a weekend away in the country, whatever) that you'd never do before. if you never make her breakfast, make her breakfast. whatever it is you never did, surprise her with it. show up on the doorstep with flowers (or something romantic), but don't assume that you'll stay the night. make her remember how special you are and why she should hang on to you.

    if you can remember little things that perhaps you disagreed on in the past, it might be sweet to incorporate those things - showing that you'll go out on a limb for her, even if it means listening to some awful music she likes, or whatever.

    this is too long a post, but if there's some way to contact me off-forum, and you want more ideas, i'd be happy to write.

    you posted a while ago, i hope things are well with you.


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