Lost the love of my life, I don't know why she left

well, I don't know how to start. I have been going through withdrawl now for alsmost a month. I guess I will start way back in the beginning. I met Michele almost 5 years ago, we started off as friends and then quickly became very close with each other. I knew from the second that I met her that she was the one and only person that I wanted to be with. I know most people don't believe that kind of stuff, but for me is was more then real. Last year, on Christmas, I was finally going to ask her to marry me, I waited until we had everything we needed, a new house, good jobs. Everything was perfect. Then without any notice out of the blue she wanted to have some time to think things over, what is was that she really wanted to do and if she really wanted to be with me. I knew we had some problems, nothing that couldn't be worked out and we both knew it, but she wanted time. I completely broke down then. Michele broke things off with me around the end of Septemeber, only 3 months before I was going to ask her to marry me. I called her, e-mail, tried to see her as much as I could but I think I was only hurting things at the time. I started talking to someone and taking antidepressents (it was that bad, I never felt like that before in my life). In Februaury on this year 2002, Michele came back and we started over again. This time we told each other that we would work out what problems we had and talk to each other first. I wanted us to go talk to a phsycologist but she didn't think that was good to do even before we got married. I put it aside feeling that we would be able to work things out together. I was wrong again. We bought the house and after a couple of weeks she wanted to leave again, this time all she said was that things were not changing and eveything was still the same as before. During the last 6 months we were together I tried talking to her and getting her to open up, slowly she started to drift again and I told her too. I didn't want us to go down the same road again. i wanted us to try to get things together so bad....she didn't. Now I feel like I am going through the same emotional hell that I did the first time, this time it feels worse becuase now she says that she is seeing someone else, just about 3 weeks after we talked about getting married again. We had planned to go to Hawaii for 2 weeks and I was going to ask her there. I don't have nothing left of her now. How do I handle losing the love of my life twice?? help.

Hey, I understand how you feel. I'v recently lost the love of my life. I'm still in the state of mind where I don't think I should let go. How ever I think that you should let go NOW before you end up hurting more and more that you lead yourself on. If she has these feelings after trying again, I think she just really needs to sit herself down to think what she wants, but in the mean time,I don't think you need to sit back and wait for her decision. That's something that I just realized. I got my NO answer just 2 days ago and it's killing me so bad. I to have been taking some medicine to try to help me out, but not even medicine seems to help me. I still feel like I shouldn't let go but then again in the back of my mind I know it's the smart thing and the only thing that I can do. Don't get me wrong, this is the hardest thing for me to do, I still pray and hold on to hope that when I go and get the rest of my things, that she might of woke up that day and opened her eyes to see what is here for her, but if I keep holding on to that, and it never happens, it's going to crush me even more. Like I said I know it's hard to let go, but one thing that I think I've also realized is that a weak man gives up trying, but a strong man fights, but then again, it takes a lot stronger man to let go and to do the best thing. Right now, I'm still trying to listen to my own words and yes I still myself have not let go. Honestly I'm confused, because someone gave me advice one time and said, if I really feel that this lady is the one for me then I need to give her, her time and space for the time being but not to let go completely, but it all comes down to the big "WHAT IF" I guess what I'm trying to say is just do what you think is best, not what you want to happen. Last but not least I'll leave this with you. "Love and fight for the one you love, but you can only take a beating to your heart for so long!" Good luck on your decision and I hope and pray for the best for you.